walking after you
Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back
you hear me wallet! i'm walking after you!
in case you people didn't get it... my wallet has walked out on me... or something. Yesterday it was in my hand, today it's gone missing. Please God, return my wallet to me! Otherwise that means no san diego... man where could it possibly be? where is my angel?
road trip?
There may be a road trip in the future... how far into the future... tomorrow. Hopefully alma and i can go down to spend time with iris. watch a movie and just chill. But if there is a party... well i wont mind that either. we'll see. I'm gonna go get my car fixed today... hang out with my mom and than spend the night there. Have breakfast in the morning with my entire family and hang out. Alma doesn't get off of work until 5 anyway. If i go down, i'm gonna see if i can get my school id back from joe. I can't believe i gave it to him. He wasn't worth it. the stupid things i do. alrighty gonna go get ready.
my angel
Do you ever contemplate how you got somewhere? I do. I sit and analyze different points in my life and wonder what compelled me to make those decisions to get me there. I even go as far as analyzing one day of my life that brought me to this very moment right now. Today, I couldn't get over the coincidence that happened to me yesterday. I always believed that everything happens for a reason, but after yesterday I KNOW it all happens for a reason. It's fate.
When I woke up yesterday, I had no idea of what would lie before me. I just took the minutes in one at a time, and did what I needed to do. Who knew after all the events that occurred; going to my job interview; going to school; eating a home cooked meal with my mom in Glendale; seeing someone run into a fire hydrant and watching it explode like a geyser at Yellowstone park; preceding to go to Magic Johnson's TGIFriday's for Cha's bday; who knew that the time had been changed from meeting at 8 to meeting at 9 instead? I guess it was that point where everything fell into place. If it hadn't been for Cha changing the time for her dinner, I wouldn't have heard the words that finally knocked some sense into me.
Iris and I were gonna go into the TGIFridays and just eat something while we waited for Cha to arrive. There were a lot of people there b/c of the Laker Game and it wasn't in the best of neighborhoods so it was pretty sketchy. Intimidated we headed back to my car, and that's when I realized I locked the keys in my car. As both iris and I were frantically about to call everyone and their mother's for some help, this black guy in a white caravan pulls up wearing a Toyota mechanic uniform. I took it as a sign, and asked him for his help. He didn't hesitate to help. Luckily, he had a wire hanger and some pliers- his caravan was more like a white horse and he was my knight in shining armor. While he attempted to open the car, I had a conversation with him. He asked me,
"do these things happen to you a lot?"
"I've had a streak of bad luck, so yeah lately this has happened to me a few times."
"You don't' believe in that bad luck stuff do you?"
"Well, after so many things have gone wrong in your life, sometimes you just have to believe in something, and if bad luck is what I have than I have to make do with what I get."
What he said next came out in slow motion.
"Did you ever think that maybe you need to see what you're doing wrong in life." Those were the words right there. Those words made everything clear. I finally snapped out of the slow motion phase, and answered politely,
"yeah what I'm doing wrong is locking the keys in my car." Than CLICK my car was open.
I thanked him gratefully and I really wish I had something to give him. Anything at all. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have known what I've been doing wrong for the last months... Maybe even years of my life. All this time that's passed away, I finally knew what was missing. I believed in God, but I didn't believe that God was with me. It wasn't until that moment that this guy that just so happened to pull up next to me, that just so happened to have a wire hanger, that just so happened to be kind enough to help this white looking girl out, and just so happened to say what he said to me, that I came to the realization that I knew that God was with me. Pretty damn lucky if I do say so myself.
Thinking about doing the concurrent enrollment program at SDSU. To see if I want to get my MBA there or something. Also to see what it would be like to live that far away from my family. Lately, I have am realizing how fast we are pushed to do so many things. I know I'm going to be in school forever, so I might as well be able to experience as much as I can before I can't experience anything at all. It's just a thought right now, nothing is set. I'm just crossing my fingers cues it would be a great semester, even if it's only one semester.
I know my mood in this stupid thing seems prety low, but I'm actually good. I know things haven't been the best for me, a few crappy things have crossed my path, but fuck it, shit happens. Don't worry about me!! Anyways I have a feeling things are gonna start perking up.
Watch the latest Christ Rock stand-up!!
Here's some advice from Chris rock to all the men out there in a relationship:
"every morning when you wake up and look in the mirror you have to say 'FUCK YOU! It aint about your dreams, your apsirations anymore, it's about her. You need to think of ways to make her happy. Now it's all about her dreams and her aspirations. So FUCK YOU!'"
It's funny b/c guys think it takes so much to make a woman happy, when really there thoughts are all misconceptions. You boys don't realize that all it takes is a few moments of your day to make us happy. A simple call to ask "how are you doing?" something short and swee that says I miss you. A call that says you can't talk, but you're still thinking about us and you just wanted to say hi. Most of us females take that into so much consideration. Don't get me wrong tho, don't think that will get you by, the point of a relationship is to have a conversations... But you don't have to do it everyday. When you make time together it doesn't always have to be alone, it could be with friends... Most of the time we don't care b/c the time spent with you is worth it... Even if it's only for a 5 minutes... Even if we drove a thousand miles to see you for those five minutes... It's better than nothing. Don't take advantage tho, because we would drive that far for you, you have to return the favor or else you have nothing.
hell is forever and so is school
Okay not HELL HELL, but hell as in School Hell. So if I want to go to Italy Fall 2005-Spring 2006 I'm not gonna graduate until 2007!! But the upside is I'll have My Double major in Business Management and Optional Management, my minor in Italian, and my Certificate in International Business. So it's not shabby, but daem! That's a long fucking time!
If only I head my head on my shoulders from the beginning and didn't take so many bull shit classes in my college education. Cuz I really did take a lot of classes I didn't need... At the least a whole semester's worth... In that case I would graduate sooner. Too bad.
Man, just the thought of being in school from 2001 to 2007! That's seven fucking years. If I want to get my MBA (masters in business association) which you need now a days to get any kind of money it's gonna be another 42 units so that's like two extra years... 2009 that means I'll be who old? Yeah you guessed it!! 26 freaking years young! That means I would have been in school since 1986!! That's a lot of time wasted away. When am I supposed to find a man? Fuck an MBA... Our youth driven culture is too obsessed with money anyway. Who cares if people are starving and dying? Especially since it's more cost efficient to use those dying people to make your clothes. Our culture is fucked up. Where's the love?
But I guess graduating at 26 isn't too bad b/c than I can meet the man of my dreams, date for a year, realize he really is my soulmate, get married, pregnant by 28, and kid by 29. All the while, creating my multimillion dollar corporation that gives back to the community b/c I don't need that much money. Anyone who says they do are on crack or are really that fucking selfish... ahem yeah i'm talking about all those famous rich people!
Did you know that the top 1% of the wealthiest people in the U.S. control 60% of the cash flow in the U.S. so that means the rest of the 99% poor fuckers, like me, only control 40% of the cash flow. How insane does that sound? Does that not piss you off? seriously,
NO ONE NEEDS THAT MUCH MONEY! Instead of taxing the Indian Casinos I think they should tax the wealthiest 1% of our country. It would not only fix the California debt but the U.S. debt as well. And thus college students won't be working our asses off to pay to go to school.
Fuck, if i was as rich as donald trump I'll donate a lot of money just as long as I have my two story house on the beach, with a second story balcony. And on that balcony comes a hammock and a telescope. Yeah that sounds niice. Enough of this blabbing... The heat has my going crazy... good night.
Fate
Fate. That crazy concept that we are not really responsible for the course our lives take. That it's all predestined-written in the stars. Maybe that explains why, if you live in a city where you can't even see the stars your love tends to feel a llittle more random. And even if our every man, every kiss, every heartache, is ordered from some cosmic catalog, can we still take a wrong step and wander off our own personal milkyway? Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?
Okay, so I have discovered the wonderful world of HBO and Cinnemax on Demand. What is it? It's like having Tivo. Just click on the channel, choose the movie or series you want to watch, and boom there you go. Rewind, fast-forward, pause, stop, it's all a button-click away. The choices are limited, but at least when there isn't a damn thing on tv, you can just turn to these channels. For people who need some sexual healing, there is also access to skinamax. You want to watch soft porn at 8am, yanno just for kicks, pooof! Soft porn on your tv. hahaha. Nah, I haven't done that... yet.
To my surpise, HBO on demand, also had season 3&4 of 'il sesso in la citta' available for my very own home viewing. Hence the, soul mate and fate entries. They have been taking from Sex and the City, with a little help from the rewind and pause buttons. I love Sex and the City. I watched the entire third and fourth seasons this weekend. Yeah i was bored, but it is good. Funny too. I still haven't seen much of the First and second season, so if anyone cares to buy me the dvd set, don't fret, my birthday is coming up soon, just look at the countdown in the upper left hand corner there. :)
Joe blows. Litterally? i don't know. As a person? Yes. I erased him from my phone, and he's also not allowed to send me text messages anymore. If i cared an ounce about him, he'd still be on my phone, but he isn't so i guess i don't care. Yes, I understand how foolish i sound when saying that and there's an entry about him in here again. It's just that his actions completely bewidler me. He frustrates me because I dont' know what his deal is. I don't know how he can sit there and tell me that he would feel so honored to be my boyfriend and that he will proove to me he's worthy of it, and blah blah blah blah blah. I didn't buy into it in this first place, and i still don't buy into it, but it annoys me how he can say that and not mean it or at least not see the meaning in those words. Last time i talked to him was Thursday night, he got another phone call, than came back to me and said 'i'll call you back." Without waiting for a response from me, he hung up the phone. Disrepctful? Yes! stupid sorry ass mother fucker. And so came this surge of making him disappear from my phone and life. I didn't hear from him until saturday, er i mean sunday morning at 5am. I was in a bad mood b/c i couldn't fall asleep until 4am. So i was tired, than i heard my stupid phone ring. I saw the number, and i was like who the fuck is this? Answered it, and he was like 'hello"... i knew it was him but i pretended i coudln't hear, and i yelled, "who the fuck is this?" after a minute of who is this? and Can you hear me's? I asked, Joe? He said, Yeah chicken head. THen he yelled, "i just got home." My thoughts were, come home from where? Than i got angry b/c i just went to sleep an hour ago, and he's over here acting like he told me where he just came from... dumbass. I just replied, i'm sleeping. "well call me tomorrow." Excuse me? You want me to call you? No mother fucker! "if you want to call me, call me, but i'm not calling you." CLICK. Yeah i hung up the phone on him. He's an asshole. Sorry to act full of myself right now, but i'm too good for him. Idiot. Haven't heard from him. I don't care if i hear from him. I just wish i understood why he said the things he said. The things i put up with... such a shame.
I guess everyone has a asshole in their stars.
soul mate
soul mate. Two little words, one big concept. A belief that someone somewhere is holding the key to your heart and your dream house. All you have to do is find them. So where is this person? And if you love someone and it didn't work out, does that mean they weren't your soul mate? Were they just a runner up contestant in this game show "happily ever after?"
i cheese sandwhich you
I am sick again. I don't have a fever, but my eyes itch. I am coughing up a lung every five minutes... actually i cough up my food. One side of my nose is running and the other side is stuffed. My entire body is dry because every attempt i make to drink water i cough it right up. very dehydrated. I just got done being sick, although last time was far worse because i coudln't swallow anything, i was cold when it was 100 degrees out, and my body ached; Now, that was hell. So yeah this isn't bad, but damn, being sick just sucks, point blank.
I saw my dad yesterday. Didn't give me any cash. I guess that's what i get when i want something... nothing. It was really good seeing him tho. It's been a very long while, in fact, i can't recall the last time i saw him. I think he'd rather just see me than talk to me. Every time i attempt to tell him about what's going on with life, he'd make a phone call, but when my sister cynthia and my brother habib came, he was all talk and all listen. I just became the girl who was sick that was sitting next to him. That kinda sucked... after two hours of that i just wanted to leave, and i was already coughing up the organs in my body... so i wasn't a happy camper. Than my dad would be like why don't you get medicine, go to the doctor, do something... and i would sit back and not say anything because last time i checked i was broke and he knows that. When he first saw me he said wow you're not fat anymore and you're face isn't full of zits. Nice to see you too, fucker. Dad's always know how to say the right things. I'm surprised he didn't say "tits up." He usually says that to me when i slouch and i souch all the time, so i was taking away by his silence. I love my Dad, but i still have a lot of resent in my heart for him. There are things you can't forget, ever. Yet, he is still my father and i will always love him.
Our lease is up soon. That means the chismosas are finally going their separate ways. When alma moved out last
summer, it sucked not having her around. She was always busy with the things in her life, so i always understood why she couldn't hang out. Nontheless we had some good times. I still miss not living with her. She's still always busy, i wish we could hang out more. NOw that Iris is leaving too, it's an end of an era. I have lived with her for the past three years-you get to know a person really well in that amount of time (unless they aren't here. ahem, the beast). It makes me sad. We've know each other so well, that i can say something that doesn't make sense, but she would still understand me. Who am i gonna bug in the morning? Even more depressing, who's gonna bug me? Who will i go to the store with, or go on a food run with, or go to the mall with just cuz? Who will i take a spontaneous roadtrip to get a california burrito? I'm used to making stupid jokes and mean jokes and saying "i'm going to hell" adn than iris saying "me too." or some bull shit like that. I'm just really gonna miss her. I know we'll still keep in touch and yea she's only 120 miles away, but Long Beach wasn't the same when alma left, and now that iris is leaving, i feel like i have to start over. I know i have my other great friends here, but I lived with Alma for 2 years and Iris for 3, they're like my sisters.
I remember the first time i had a conversation with iris, we took a small raod trip around long beach in attempts to find the infamous second street. hahaha. We ended up going the complete opposite way, ended up around the long beach airport! She told me about this boy she liked, adn i told her about my boyfriend Nathan petersen. Who knew that would be the first of many road trips and the first of many detours taken? Good times.
I watched this movie yesterday, "love and sex." I've seen it before it's a good flick. Katie, twenty something writer, has thirteen nonworking relationships, and finds someone to love, but loses him. She was talking about relationships and that sometimes we are in relationships because we need to be wanted. we want to be needed. we need to be touched. our bodies need to be phsysical- not in the sexual way but more in the simple ways, like hugging, holding hands, and kissing. These basic needs and wants make us feel in love, but it may just be we're infatuated. Being in love is infatuation, in addition to, your significant other being your best friend. Finding that your quarks and habbits aren't soething to change, but something to love and appreciate. AT the end of the day saying 'i cheese sandwhich you' because the word love has been abused to becoming just a word.
Love? I don't know what that is, to me, like cheese and sandwhich, it's just another word. I guess, i've been looking to hard and in all the wrong places. As much as i say i don't want a real relationship, i do. I'm still waiting for that special someone to sweep me off my feet, but i guess it hasn't happend because i'm not ready for it. I know i'm settling for less with joe. He's not even an infatuation to me... i don't know what he is. Definately not apart of my life. I'm sick of love, i'm sick of infatuation...
i'm just a girl trying to find a peace of mind
brizoke
in the computer lab way bored. i don't even want to go home and do that stupid paper. I also will be waiting for my Dad's phone call. I honestly hope he gives me some money. I know that sounds horrible, but if you only knew the despiration i am in for money than you would be saying "damn you're dad better give you money." I hate being a broke ass. i feel like i can't take care of myself.... i feel like i kid. I know that deep down inside i wouldn't mind just smooching off my parents, but after holding up my fort for the past 4 years, the helping hand is unfamiliar. It feels like i failed. I never thought it would be like this.
visaad
sometimes it's easier to hide behind a mask and not let the world know what you're feeling.
There was a point in my life where my trials and tribulations began building up like a small pebble that collects snow as it rolls down a mountain. Whenever I thought the snow ball couldn't get any bigger, it always did. I just sat and watched the snowball destroy my life one day at a time. I'm sitting here dumbfounded because I never expected it to stop. I gave up hope so easily because I wanted a quick fix, but life doesn't work that way. I look back at the last 10 months of my life and I am disappointed, but there isn't anything I can do now, except grow and be stronger. The aftermath of this massive destruction in my life is hard to overcome, but I know I will get over all the pain. It's going to take time, but I will. I may not be the person I used to be, but I have faith that I'll be even stronger than before. There are a lot of struggles that I am still faced with, one in particular, and at times I get completely discouraged. Today was one of those days just because something slapped me in the face and brought me back to the moment that everything changed for me. As painful as it is, it's time like these that I have more faith...
Hung out with Hanako and Jericho yesterday. We hit up TGIFridays. You would think with three people who have so much in common they'd have to grow up together because to me it was a very natural environment. I think at one point someone said that only one person needs to talk amongst us because we are all thinking the same thing. It was fun and I had a great time. I don't know why we never did this before, but like I say, you have to start somewhere... And somewhere started yesterday. Jericho is a DJ at a club somewhere in Downtown, he said he had an ID I could use to celebrate Hanako's bday. Much fun and I can't wait. 21 is a sweet number. Music to my ears.
Speaking of Music... Anyone keeping up with American Idol? Well I have been and I'm sorry but the red head gotts to go. He's horrible. Every time he comes on and opens that mouth, I feel like my stregnth has been drained from my body and I'm dying a slow slow death. I know that's horrible to say, but really he's mundane and completely emotionless. He is a good singer, only in respects to singer Sinatra, but everything else, well to say it politely not so good. He's not my cup of tea, and I'm sorry to say this but it must be said, "john Stevens, you're fired!" hahaa I know that was gay, but really this kid has to go.
Something else I could do without is this stupid non verbal communications paper that I have to write. I don't want to do it... It's size 10 font, 1-inch margins, double spaced 5-6 pages on the interactions of people. BORING. I think I'd rather listen to john Stevens for an hour or two than write this paper. Why is it that as the semester comes to an end, I get more apathetic and insanely lazy? I think there's a problem... Maybe I should be doing quarter system. At least I wouldn't get bored with the class and I'd always just continue to try hard... Or at least I think. This paper is due Thursday I haven't started it I am good.
HAPPY 420 MARTHA FAULKERS!
playing favorites
i guess the most that i can do
is make a call and tell you the truth
sing the words in melody
and hope that you'll believe me
here's another song for you
so this one this one makes two
still don't know where to begin
i'll just leave it at this
i'm sure you always feel my eyes on you
but i hope that you will never feel unwanted
wait for me to move out west
it's ok if you don't
i hope you know
you're my favorite thing
about the west coast
i wish i stayed
i hope you wait
so here i am
counting down the days
till california comes
this is the least that i can do
you know i'm bad at calling you
the best way i can extend
the lonely words i miss you
i'll say it but i'm sure you knew
you're what i look most forward to
coming back to where i've been
i'll just leave it at this
i'm sure you always feel my eyes on you
but i hope that you will never feel unwanted
if you feel unwanted
wait for me to move out west
it's ok if you don't
i hope you know
you're my favorite thing
about the west coast
i wish i stayed
i hope you wait
so here i am
counting down the days
till california comes
Drama
drama already? damn i know. no obligations just honesty-or so that's what's been said. we'll see. no expectations. one step at a time "just seeing where the road ends."
Someone told me that it looks like i don't care at all that it looks like a rebound. There may be truth in those words. Sometimes the best way of getting over someone is by filling the void with someone else. Just as i say that Babyface's "when can i see you again" begins to play in my winamp... niiiice.
"when does "you'll get over it begin?
i hear what you're saying but i swear it's not making sense
so when can i see you...again"
testes
Today I learned that back in the day for a trial, the Romans used to put their hand upon thy judges testicles. Hence come the words "testify" and "testimony." Lacoste also said we should start using "fuck you" as a blessing because it means to have sex and quite frankly everyone wants to get laid, so when you get literal it's not so bad. The only reason it's considered a "vulgar" word (which by the way, vulgar comes from the Latin word "vulgis" which means "common people") because when the Romans conquered England waaayy back in the day they not only took their culture but also their language so from that point we have our obscene words we know today. We also watched a stand up that George Carlin did about Euphemisms it was pretty funny. How as time progresses we as a society are becoming less liberal and more sensitized...
no one is deaf anymore, they are hearing impaired
no one is blind they are partially sighted
no one is ugly anymore they have an appearance deficit LOL that's funny shit.
Than Lacoste got crazy and said "you can't go to a doctor and say 'my dick is limp' you have to say 'I have a penis malfunction'." hahahah Just imagine George Lopez as you're teacher and you got Lacoste.
I also got an A on that test. I am good. I didn't even study. Bull shitting has become a way of college for me. Is that bad?
My mom is still in the hospital... I wish she were out already, But if she's getting better than that's all that matters. I just hate hospitals.
Before I forget... It was 3am Saturday night, I'm walking to my apartment building, and before I go to my apartment, I see a big white ass on the stairs leading to another apartment. I thought my eyes we're playing tricks on me, so I stopped and looked again, and yes I wasn't imagining a damn thing, it was a white ass. But than I saw two pairs of legs, and when I got a little bit closer I noticed that it was a guy with his pants to his knees on top of a girl with a skirt (how convenient) who had his legs sprawled on both sides of him, having el sexo. I saw movement up and down and I also heard some groaning... And than I heard "gosh this is so romantic." I'm sure it was the drunk girl trying to be sarcastic. Anyways in shock from trying to take this image in, I stood there contemplating if I should smack this guys ass or take a picture, or both, but than I came to my senses and realized why I would even think to touch a strangers ass in the first place, and I was too buzzed to take out my camera, and so I continued on my way. Funny shit tho.
Thank you and
FUCK YOU. Don't forget have a nice day.
You say it's your birthday
happy birthday lucelyna you're 22 and old :)
If I were a month I would be: October
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday
If I were a time of day I would be: Afternoon
If I were a planet I would be: Venus
If I were a sea animal I would be: a Star Fish
If I were a direction I would be: North
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: a Couch
If I were a sin I would be: Gluttony
If I were a historical figure I would be: William Shakespeare
If I were a liquid I would be: White Cranberry Peach Juice
If I were a tree I would be: a Willow
If I were a flower/plant I would be: White Rose
If I were a kind of weather I would be: Warm with a Cool Breeze
If I were a musical instrument I would be: Guitar
If I were an animal I would be: a Bear
If I were a color I would be: Blue
If I were a vegetable I would be: broccoli
If I were a sound I would be: Purring
If I were an element I would be: Silver
If I were a car I would be: a Lexus
If I were a song I would be: "At Last" Etta James
If I were a movie I would be directed by: Roman Polanski
If I were a book I would be written by: J. D. Salinger
If I were a food I would be: Chicken Tacos
If I were a place I would be: Small City on the Beach in Italy
If I were a material I would be: Satin
If I were a taste I would be: Semi-Sweet
If I were a scent I would be: Coffee
If I were a word I would be: Magnanimous
If I were an object I would be: a Book
If I were a body part I would be: Lips
If I were a facial expression I would be: Love
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Baby Plucky Ducky
If I were a shape I would be: Round
If I were a number I would be: 6
pain addiction
yanno that bruise on your leg... do you ever find yourself touching it repeatedly just to see if the pain has gone away, but always come to the conclusion that the pain is still there? I think love is the same way. even after you lost someone you still find yourself thinking about them even if it hurts. You know it hurts, but something about them is so strong and compelling you cannot refrain from thinking about them. The flashbacks run through your mind like the episodes of save by the bell you watched a thousand times, you never get sick of it... it never really becomes old. that's what you are to me, you're like a bruise that never goes away and i can't stop touching.
still going
I can't believe how much has happend in such a short span of time. My mom is here!!! It's so unbelievable. It's insane how much I took my mom for granted growing up. There's no one like her and no one can ever compare to her. I love her so much, i don't know what i would do with out her. I know i realized that before, but it really hit me yesterday. I spent the entire day with her at the hospital because she's been really sick. She had a really bad cough, and to see my mom in a hospital bed with iv's and all those horrible things... i just don't know what i would do without her. my mom is my heart. I am so thankful to God for the privilage of being her daughter. I know she's gonna get better, she already looks better, and she'll just continue to get stronger. She should be out come tomorrow.
I'm still on a job hunt. Haven't nabbed anything yet, but i will soon. I got a little discouraged because i'm not used to not being called back. I'm used to getting the job immediately, but it's a tough world out there. I know i'll get a job soon. Just taking longer than expected. People have asked why i haven't got a job doing customer service, but i just can't anymore. AFter blockbuster and that shit that happend there, i can't. I deserve better. It's too grooling working with crabby people, and all that bull donkey... Good job here i come.
Hanako is coming soon. So soon it's like 5 days today till she's back to cali cal. I miss her so much. I mean come on, not many people get to find a soulmate... and Hanako is definately one of my soulmates, it's amazing how we're always going through something similar. Love her lots.
Spring break is almost over. It's so sad. I haven't done much, just been on interviews and been with my mom. Haven't had that great of sleep either. I need to catch up. I need to do a lot of things. time is going by quick.
Hmm then there's joe... er i mean Jr. I thin it's funny how they call him junior, i don't know any juniors. Things are still going. It's interesting getting to know someone you have no tie to, i mean that by i don't know anyone who knows him so i can't get that scoop about him. I can't find out about his past in any shape way or form only by getting to know him. It's different, but scary. Hence my posts last week... i dont know, i guess it was good tho just because it made me realize that i'm not jumping into anything.
someone asked me if a person in my past came back to me while the whole joe thing went on, what i would do. The only thing i could do would be to follow my heart. If my heart wasn't with joe and i stayed with him (not that we're a couple or anything), i would be not only lying to myself, but lying to him... But if joe happend to manage to break through the walls, i would stay with him. But than all these other thoughts popped into my mind because obviously the person in my past is in my past for a reason, if he wanted to be with me now than he would have came after me... why does he deserve a second chance... or why does jared deserve a 4th chance? If my friendship is all i could give, i would hope that they would take it.
Err... like i said joe and i are just chilling. I still don't know much about him, i don't knkow what he wants to do with his life, and i also don't know much about his past, all i do know is that i don't mind wasting time with him for the time being.
"Build You Up" - Nelly Furtado
Baby don't believe it
Oh, it's in your eyes
I can see the weakness
You don't have to hide
I can take you under
Under my wing
cause your voice gives me a song
That i love to sing
Baby, they build you up
Only to tear you down
Don't give up
Baby don't believe it, baby don't believe it
Baby they build you up
Only to tear you down
Baby don't believe it, baby don't believe it
Oh, it's good for nothing
You were just a child
Ready to explore
And everything you saw
Looked like an open door
A place you can remember
You'd love to go back
But you can't even comprehend
That it's all in the past
Baby they build you up
Only to tear you down
Baby don't believe it, baby don't believe it
Oh, it's good for nothing
Baby they build you up
Only to tear you down
Baby don't believe it, baby don't believe it
Oh, it's good for nothing
Put your heart in my hands and i won't hurt you
Put your heart in my hands
I promise not to
I'll lift you up, you'll fly away, I'll lift you up, lift you up
I'll never build you up, only to tear you down
Baby just believe it, baby just believe it, it's good for something
I'll never build you up, only to tear you down, oh it's good for nothing
And i love you the way you are
chicken head
i met joe's mom and sister... hmmm.
:)
my mom is here!!!!!!!!!!
damn sprint
received a shitload of text messages today... err i should say belated. starting from sunday till today. what was sprint trying to do? he called today and asked if i was mad at him all worried. that's right bitch.... all that shit i said bout joe i retract all of it. i guess i'll see joe on sunday
