nada
I am so exhausted. I have no clue why. It could have to do with the fact that i went in cleaning mode today. I was as bad as a pregnant woman cleaning... but nothing close to Monica from friends. I also woke up super early, i think it was 7 or something very close to that. I don't know why either. I didn't do a daem thing this weekend. My plans just went through fooey. I was so freaking bored i wanted to just put myself out my misery and so i watched tv and became mindless. I also watched Monster's Inc and Finding Nemo. I love those movies. Monster's inc is just too cute. Boo is adorable. i love the scene where she's going pee and she sings that song in baby talk. Afterwards she and sulley begin playing hide and go seek. Brings a smile to my face. I love watching a movie and noticing something that i hadn't before, especially if i've seen the movie many times. In finding nemo, when Marlon and Dori are going they're separate ways and dori says "When i'm with you everything makes sense. When i'm with you i'm home." For some reason that just hit me yesterday. I guess it's because when people ask me where my home is i say long beach. They ask again, no but where is HOME. I have to say it again, my apartment is my home. My mom lives in albuquerque, tyre in huntington, cynthia and habib in glendale, ramsses with my mom, and my dad in puerto vallarta. we're everywhere... i guess home is when i'm WITH my mom. It makes me jealous of everyone who has their parents close by and say i'm going HOME for the weekend. Home away from their apartment... my apartment in long beach is my home. I went to santa monica yesterday. It's beautiful there. I want to live there. I was helping my brother find an apartment. It is daem expensive there. I loved looking at the houses. They not only had a front yard, but they also had a back yard! A BACK YARD! IN LA! i was shocked and amazed. Since i grew up in a home that had a front yard, a back yard, and a side yard, with a pool, jacuzzi, and pool house, I've always wanted the same kind of space in my future home. Preferibly viewing the ocean of course. One day...
okay people my name is pronounced Ya-see-duh! NOT yasetta. That is so ugly. Beyond UGLY... horrifying. Harold's friends are calling me that. Yuck. Gag me.
Harold's friends are interesting people. Iris told me that they said i'm cute sober or drunk. Puahahaha. Flattering, but not true.
bob
Kroq was playing a block of bob marley today...
I wanna love you and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We'll be together with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter of my single bed;
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.
Is this love - is this love - is this love -
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Is this love - is this love - is this love -
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
I wanna know - wanna know - wanna know now!
I got to know - got to know - got to know now!
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able,
So I throw my cards on your table!
I wanna love you - I wanna love and treat - love and treat you right;
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We'll be together, yeah! - with a roof right over our heads;
We'll share the shelter, yeah, oh now! - of my single bed;
We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.
Is this love - is this love - is this love -
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Is this love - is this love - is this love -
Is this love that I'm feelin'?
Wo-o-o-oah! Oh yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now!
Yes, I know; yes, I know - yes, I know now!
I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I - I'm willing and able,
So I throw my cards on your table!
See: I wanna love ya, I wanna love and treat ya -
love and treat ya right.
I wanna love you every day and every night:
We'll be together, with a roof right over our heads!
We'll share the shelter of my single bed;
We'll share the same room, yeah! Jah provide the bread.
We'll share the shelter of my single bed
143
Sometimes I get caught up in conversations about relationships. Truth is I have a biased opinion. I have never been in a long term relationship-sad and pathetic I know. Three months is nothing. I don't think I should count it anymore b/c it was after high school. Anyways, like I was saying, I get asked about hypothetical questions dealing with relationships that usually start like, "Say you've been in a relationship for 6 months and your boyfriend wants to go to a strip club, would you let him?" I don't know how to answer that because I am naive on the relationship thing. So, I say, "Well I don't know, I'd like to think that I'd be fine with it, just as long as he doesn't come home thinking he was going to cop a feel. I would think if I were in a relationship he'd have to trust me therefore he'd also want to tell me all that went down at the strip club. And since I trust him I'd just laugh about it with him." But I am ignorant and oblivious to what it is really like. It's different when you're actually in that long term relationship... I know people who say, "I wouldn't let my man go because it feels like I'm not enough. It sucks to know that he has to go somewhere else to get the captain happy." I can understand that, it makes complete sense. Than again, I'm a relationship virgin. Dang, how sad is that? I'm gonna die alone hahaha.
Relationships are scary. Being in a long term relationship gives a person the opportunity to know all the little things about you, like your favorite cereal or your favorite food. It's nice to know that someone actually cares enough to know those small quarks and idiosyncrasies about you, but that means you know those things about them too. And when things come to an end, like they always do in my case, you know those things about them and it makes it harder to forget. That's what I hate. When things end I'm left knowing all those tidbits about that person and it just makes the time harder to pass by. It doesn't even have to be tidbits it could be knowing other shit too. For instance, I'll be completely oblivious when I'm driving and that's when I see it. I see a car exactly like his driving next to me on the freeway, road, or street. Or I'll be anywhere and out of nowhere I'll hear his very uncommon name said every where I go. I'm like okay!! When did the name Garfield get so popular? Or when did everyone start driving a pinto? (I've never dated someone who drives a pinto or has the name Garfield, but I'm just using as an example). It's not that I want to completely forget these guys, but it would make life easier if I didn't have so many reminders and my feelings could vanish a lot faster. I don't know how guys do it. It's like oh yah i had feelings for her, but that was sooo yesterday. They can literally in a heartbeat just forget any feelings they had for a person and move on. It's like the male superpower.
If only I could have a relationship that didn't require words. That way I wouldn't know when their birthday was or their last name. So I would never know about that time he was a kid, or what his favorite color is, or about that time at band camp. But than I'm stuck with the other memories of him..Thehe way he looks in the morning, the way he walks, his smile, the way his hand fits perfectly into mine, and the way his nose flares when he laughs. Ha why can't I just find THE ONE already and not worry about this stupid shit? Hahaha.
Okay not "the one" but at least a person I can just chill with and be with for more than 3 months? Who makes me nervous when I see him? Who smiles every time he sees me? Who can open up a new world to me? And most importantly who isn't afraid of taking a risk with me? It's too much to ask for. Nevermind, I take it back.
By the way, this is just my stupid thoughts rambling from all of my experiences, no one in particular.
why people suck
I returned my rental car last Friday. The hertz worker than took me to pick up my car at the auto shop. Friday was a rainy day, the sky was gray, the clouds mixed between a dirty brown and gray. The guy and I were chit chatting when we came to a stop and an intersection (we were going North). Next thing you know, this asshole going East was making a left hand turn to go North. That may not seem like a huge thing, but the fact that he tried to speed into the turn, caused him to make a 360 and some, so now he's facing south on a street going North. Luckily the sidewalk stopped the jerk, but if he had any more force he was less than a foot from hitting two kids. He than turned his car around, as if nothing had happened, and went on his way. At that point I said, "I hate people." The hertz guy said, "because of that jerk?" I said "yeah, because people think they're the only ones in this world."
This "I hate people" theory was only more convincing when my mom told me something that had happened to her this past Saturday. What happened to her was so horrible that it's hard for me to even say it out loud just because it made my mom and I couldn't help but cry when I heard my mom cry. The jists is that someone accused my mother of doing something and harassed her. My mom would never do anything like that... If I had the money and if it wasn't snowing in Albuquerque I'd be on a flight there this weekend. That's why I hate people because they cause pain to good people. It's such a shame.
the car thing is dragging on. Let's just pray that stupid house in Albuquerque sells and I'll be getting a new automatic car soon. Cross your fingers folks.
On a brighter note, I'm still working out. Well, I worked out today. It felt good. 100 crunches- I know I aint no Brittany spears and doing 1000 crunches. But I'll get there. Did some power yoga, cardio, and kickboxing. Feels good. Can't wait till I am able to do more and last longer. Most of all i can't wait to look DAEM good in a bathing suit. I'm also hoping my boobies go down a size.
I have too much boob for my height... It looks way disproportional. Besides it gives me way bad posture. I've had bigger boobs most of my life... Well put it this way I got my first training bra in 4th grade... anywho since I was young my girl-friends would say give me some... And I'd always say "anytime." hahaha. Yes I'm in the handful of women who want size b-cup boobs. :)
Going to San Diego this weekend. PARTAY. hahah good times. Nice get away. Please don't let it rain all crazily friday night! cuz i don't want to drive in that crap especially at night, when there are stupid fools on the road.
FYI. i'm not trying to avoid anyone. I'm just trying to deal with my shiznit. I am off and on my computer so please don't take it personal. But don't feel like i'm trying to distance myself... i just gotta do what i gotta do. I love yall. don't be afraid to drop a hello! I may not get back, but you'll definately bring a smile to my face.
"i'm getting old"
Road Trip #528
Went to San Diego yesterday. Chilled for most of the time at Iris' cousins house b/c of the rain. Got a California burrito from lolitastacoshop and than headed to Mira Mesa. Picked up Harold and went to Jerry's. Started to get my drink on there with vodka. Finished the bottle by the time Mike got there. Mike wanted a re-match of speed from awhile ago. He beat me 3-2 bastard. Than we watched while Iris beat Mike in superspeed, as always a good time. Drove to Club Solei for Angelo's bday. I had a drag or two or eight of a cigarette. I know I don't smoke but my nerves were totally on the high end for some odd reason. Than we hit the club. Not that many people b/c it was apparently booked for Angelo's get together. Right off the bat Jerry bought me a long island ice tea-it was alright. Than I had another long island with 3 madori sours by the end of the night, I didn't buy any of them. I danced with Mike, Angelo, and Jerry. They were all really funny complementing me and stuff. Angelo said I look like the girl from one tree hill and that she was so beautiful or whatever. I just laughed and said you're drunk. Mike said I was the prettiest girl at the club. I love flattery like that, makes me feel special. But I know they were just saying that because of the amounts of alcohol they consumed. When I went to the bathroom this girl straight up read my breasts. I had a t-shirt on that said "if lost please return to the nearest party." She said hahah that's so cuuuuuute. I'm sure she read it b/c she was so tiny she was eye-level to my boobs. haha. Club ended at 2. Went to Juanbertos and got another California burrito. It wasn't that good. Lolitastacoshop is definitely better. Talked to lots of people and eventually headed out. I was the most sober one to drive and I know how to drive stick, so I drove Jerry's car back to his house to pick up iris' car. Iris drove from there and I passed out in the car. Slept over at Iris' cousin's house. Had coffee in the morning, than headed out for Chinese food with her cousins and aunt. Left san Diego around 3 got home at 5. I'm tired. I had a good time tho. Got in some much needed drinking, but I know I need more.
california burrito here i come
smile
two weeks, three rental cars, and one police report later, my car is still not fixed. Note to self: don't get hit by an uninsured motorist when you have no money. I wish it was that easy. Just a little frustration adding to my ol' so wonderful life (i mean that with the greatest sarcasm and some slight truth). I know i act like my world is covered with flaming poop, i just get this way when i'm down and when the weather is gloomy. I'm so dramatic sometimes it's pathetic, but i'm good now. Well i'm good RIGHT now-there's a slight possibility i wont be in 10 - 20 minutes. Just kidding, no more setting myself up for dissappointments. Life's life, shit happens. :) I'm just being honest in what i say. Honesty is a word not understood. Honesty is interpreted in many different ways to different people. Honesty can be brutal, honesty can be perfect, and honesty can inflect all emotions. Honesety is bitter and sweet. Which makes sense b/c life is bitter and sweet. But the best part about life, is that there's always room for growth. Regret is the pain in the past causing pain in the present.
When you're on, I swear you're on.
I think the whole room can hear me clear my throat.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
Then out of nowhere, put me right back there.
And we know what happens when we get to your house.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
I throw away everything I've written you.
Oh anything just keep my mind off of it, thinking how I had you once.
No, I can't forget that.
Sometimes I wish I could loose you again.
You're winning me over with everything you say.
When I let you closer, I only want you closer.
If you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, please don't, tell me now.
Yeah, if you still care at all, don't go, tell me now.
If you love me at all, don't call.
If you love me at all..
defect
There's a curtain that separates our bathroom from our room and it's being held up by a bathroom rod. Wednesday night, i was passing thru the curtain, when BAM, it falls and lands directly on my head. Stupid pole. I guess what goes around comes around. I say that because awhile back, Michelle came over and the same thing happend to her. I didnt' realize how much it hurt and laughed. Now that it happend to me i know how much it really did hurt. I wanted to cry. Nothing wrong with that, but I held my tears in anyway. Shit happens not much you can do about it.
I also watched 50 firsts dates the other day with Darwin and Iris. It's a good flick. A chick flick, but a good one. A lot of funny scenes tho, freaking Rob schneider is awesome. We were cracking up. We happend to go to the Edwards theatre... damn that place is expensive! 9.50 for a movie. I guess it was worth it tho. There were a lot of good lines in it, which i always love to hear. I love to hear those lines because it makes up for the lack of romance in my life haha. I think the best and most simple line was "how bout another first kiss?" I guess when you really love someone every kiss should be like the first kiss, which is perfect. The end of the movie got me teary-eyed. I think my eyes glazed over and one tear did manage to fall out, but i got control back. I rocommend you see it.
Why are hangnails called hangnails? It's not like your nail is hanging... it's your cuticle... and it's not hanging doing something else. Randomness has become my forte' recently. Tyring to keep my mind thinking about other things and it's just really not working. I just need to let loose and drink and get back into the me mode.
I have no will power.
exnay on schoolay
I feel like such a bum. I had zero energy to do anything today. I woke up this morning and my body felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. My eyes burn every time i open them... i'm old. I also have this humungo headache along with a tummy ache. Someone take care of me... please :(
Iris and I have been really into decorating this apartment. We really just want to take advantage of this last semester together b/c after this we're all going our separate directions. We also wanted to have a get together/ party and we got to make the place attractive so we went to ikea today. Yes i said i was a bum, but i had to do something to get my spirits up b/c of the whole carro thing. So this picture is the aftermath:
Beautiful isn't it? haha at least i think so.
Iris and I keep reminicing about Will and Grace. It was so funny!!! If you have a chance, not that you see us or anything, but the episode we watched is going to air in 4-5 weeks it's the one where will teaches Karen how to drive. At one point karen get's pulled over and the police officer says can i see your license and registration? She pops open her blouse and says "here's license" (shows her right boob) "and here's registration" (show's her left boob). hahaha way funny. so many other really funny things, but i have to say Karen is the best.
Drama going on with my car. Damn. Gonna make up for all the drama this weekend... gonna go dancing and drinking in s.d. HELLS YA. I've been wanting to dance forever... so here it goes, letting loose saturday. :)
tv land
was at studio city for the will and grace taping. While waiting to be seated in the studio, Alma, Iris, and I saw
Theresa and
FOX. When we saw them i guess we all gasped and Justin (fox) made a gasp look and said hi or something. Iris squealed and next thing you know they're gone. we were star struck. hahaha good times.
IT was way fun. I had a great time.
arriva!
Yay, my meeting got cancelled today. I guess God did hear my prayer! :) Now I'm heading to studio city to watch a taping of will and grace. yay me.
last prayer
The damn insurance company woke me up at 7:30 this morning. Thanks a lot! She told me that my car apparently had been in another accident and considered totaled in December 2000. My mom had no clue about this, so that sucks big donkey balls. I really don't understand the whole insurance thing, but I have two options: 1) to get the car fixed or 2) two sell it to the insurance company for $560 the amount the car was worth before the accident. I just don't know about this insurance thing... It's all German to me.
Got a deep-therapy massage today. The masseuse was digging into my back so hard that it became ticklish- I didn't know if I should yell in pain or laugh. In the end, I was completely relaxed. When I got up it looked like I had just had the best sleep of my life. So lucky to have this once a week. Don't be jelly fools!
Got into this mode to start fixing up the apartment... Or at least adding pictures to the walls. Our walls were and still are very bare. I got the frame for that Van Gogh painting and put it up today. Also had an idea to put up some Chinese characters up that say "I love you." No worries I'm not "in love" with anyone, I just like the way it looked. Iris also put up one of her paintings in the lounge. Haha I mean our so-called "lounge." All it really is a room with posters, lights, a painting, and a colored rug. Nothing lounge-ish about it, but it's still a working progress. Ha we're so lazy that we have these mirrors from ikea that half-assed put up and crooked. Sorry we're not that handy, we just nail stuff in the wall.
It's funny, iris and I have been living together for so long now that we can just say one word, or see the expression on each other's faces, and know exactly what we're talking about. Today, we went to blockbuster and there was this lady who had a big & wide ass. To top it off, she was standing as if a police officer came up to her and said "spread 'em." So there are Iris and I behind this woman in line, when I couldn't hold it in anymore and say "beep-beep." (hahah I'm going to hell.) Iris just gave me this look and mouthed "wide-load." I started laughing b/c yeah pretty much that's what I meant. We've lived together for so long we're just on the same page the majority of the time.
I exchanged the booker today. Now I'm driving a Toyota corolla, it's nice, but the inside is tore up. It looks like some kids just went in there and ransacked it with every last breathe that they could. It drives really well tho. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster it rides so smooth.
Speaking of roller coasters... Anyone up to go to Magic mountain? Tickets are 24.99 for California locals. Just hit me up... Because I so want to go!!! I love rollerc oasters and I love magic mountain so LETS GO!!! The only downfall is that the food blows there and is way way way overpriced. But it's worth all the fun you can have... come on live a little! =)
Better get to bed, I have a long day tomorrow. =T Please God let this all work out!
Pictures from the day i was hella bored...:
don't know how i made my eyes do that
now that's just ugly... haha
I'll wait here and dream
alls wel
yay, sad is over. I think it's that day in particular that gets me into a mood. I'm better tho thanks to my mom, Hanako, and iris. My mom especially. I love her. Despite she isn't here, it still felt like she was holding me and wiping any tears that happend to come out. Mother knows best.
I just have so much going in my life right now that it kind of all boiled over this weekend. I have that damn thing on Tuesday. I'm so freaking scared about that. It has me more stressed than anything right now. I just hope Tuesday passes as fast as it came.
I've started yet another packed, with Hanako. Not only am i going to continue eating healthy, i'm working out on a regular basis. It's like new years all over again, well in the sense that i have resolutions. We both know we could do it on our own, but it's nice to have a support system to do it with. nah mean? well, if you don't too bad =P haha. We're also going to get jobs and shit. Save money to go to Italy and meet the persons of our dreams. hahahah or something along those lines. If that doesn't happen at least have very good times in Italia in 2005.
They say everything happens for a reason. And i believe it- even if the consequences cause pain or happiness. There are somethings in life that you feel in your gut, it doesn't require words, it's just a given that it needs to be, and when you feel that for anyone it's rare. For a person to let something that special pass them by leaves a lot of room for regrets. I guess what i am saying is that i am glad i didn't let you pass me by. I'll cherish every moment spent forever. It was perfect while it lasted... thanks cito.
Going to work out and than watch the second to last episode of sex and the city
crossing over to adulthood
When did my life become so complicated? My childhood was so much more simple. Wake up, go to school, come home, watch TV, and do whatever. Driving seemed years away, living on my own wasn't even an issue, and college... Well, I honestly didn't think I'd get this far. Now here I am 20 years old, attending CSULB, driving, and living on my own. With that comes bills, comes working, and loneliness. Yay for adulthood... :( I just thought by now I'd have a little bit more accomplished than what I have accomplished, which is slim to nothing. I wish I was a kid again. To play on the swings, flip on the bars, and live without a worry in the world. I don't think that's even remotely possible now at least not in my life- to not have a worry in the world. It's like asking for a miracle.
"why doesn't my heart do what my brain tells it to do?" I really do wish it was that simple. At least than I could focus and move on already. I guess it's true what they say about girls, and lucky me I am a female. I guess I got caught up into a dream or fantasy that wasn't there in the first place. Where words weren't just words, and everything else was sugar coated. When I finally hit back to reality I saw that nothing was really there in the first place. Yeah it sucks b/c I got caught into the net and was dragged along for quite awhile. I understood, I honestly did, but it would be nice if I was understood or perhaps asked where I fit into the picture-sometimes that's asking for too much. If it was as meaningful as it was supposed to be there needs to be complete understanding, even when it's hard. I wont lie that it hurts because it does... It just shows me that I give more than I take. That's life... I just really need to start making smarter decisions. My carelessness has got me into enough trouble.
friday the fucking 13th
Yanno yesterday wasn't a bad day untill...
I tried to get something from the cuboard above my sink in the kitchen, and bam! -snap crackle pop! A fucking jack daniels bottle comes tumbling down and crashing into the shink. Glass everywhere, alcohol everywhere - including on my new jeans and white shoes,- broken dishes everywhere... it was a fucking mess. Oh no, but the shit rollercoaster doesn't end there, I went to lucy's apartment, which i have to say isn't the worst and isn't the greatest part of long beach. I leave at 2am and i get to my rental car (keyword: RENTAL) and some asshole must have gotten a bat and just took a swing because the passanger side-view mirror was dangling. I have to fucking pay for it dammit. SO there goes more fucking money down the tubes. I should have stayed home like i had planned. Than I'd be awake this morning with a non-dangling side view mirror and white shoes that were still white. They say GOd works in mysterious ways... more like fucked up ways.
Okay so i had to vent. I'm good now. Just needed to release the bad energy. Hmm what to do this single-awareness day (abbriviated SAD, isn't that just the kawinkydink-hahaha). Find somthing or other. Lucelyna said she'd call hang out maybe. There's also John he's gona be in Lakewood. Call David cuz he's the best. Not such a SAD day after all, more like another fucking day. :)
I was way bored yesterday i'll be putting up the pictures from my webcam later. haha. Alright time to shower.
Yanno i never check friendster and i checked it today and i had a few mesages and few requests made me smile.
oh yeah!! Totally forgot to thank Hanako for being such a great friend. Hanako is me in a different body. Hahaha, yes that does mean i'm a great friend too -hahaha ack! But back to the point- Thanks for being there for me when the shit happend to my car last night, not many people would stay up until 4am to help a sista out. I love you so much i can't wait till we're "reunited and it feels so goooood." hahaha. Come home soon!
i'm off
Let the procrastination begin! Here i am 12:15 am still havne't really started my homework. damn i keep tellin myself no more procrastination, but i'm sorry i like to do other things. I can't help it. Well i have started to do one thing that i've been wanting to do for awhile, which is keeping an assignment worksheet. I have all my due dates and all the things i have to keep track of for the next few weeks in a little book . FInally a sign of organization. Doesn't mean it will give me any initiative to do my work, but hey it's a start. It may all change tomorrow.
Speaking of manana, my dad is in town. He called me today and wants me to meet up with him. i know i wont be able to for very long, but I just want to make sure hes' okay. Especially since he just got into that car accident. He says he's still not doing to well, i know he'll make it thru. As much as i don't see him or speak to him, i don't know what i would do without him.
Who got a 10/10 on their math quiz? yup that be me. hahaha. Just need to revel in my accomplishments now before the numbers begin to change drastically in a negative way. Nah i'll keep it up... hopefully.
Saw Lost in Translation today. I like the message it sent. Basically no matter how alone and disconnected from the world you feel, there is still someone out there who understands you. You're never alone." It's nice to have faith like that.
alright i'm tired. Time for me to dream about you, nighty night and sweet dreams.
Lay your head on my pillow
Here you can be yourself
No one has to know what you are feeling
No one but me and you
I feel such a connection
Even when you far away
Ooh baby if there's anything that you fear
Come forth and call 4894608
And I'll be here
And only we know what talked about baby
Don't know how you can be driven me so crazy
Baby when you're in town
Why don't you come around
Be the loyalty you need
You can trust
I won't tell your secrets
Your secrets are safe with me
I will keep your secrets
Just ain't goin'
Be as the pages in your diary
if you don't, don't
Wha't wrong baby, don't they treat you like they should?
Did you take 'em for it?
Every penny that you could?
We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things then only to pretend.
Don't you know I'm thinkin', drivin' 405 past midnight.
You know I miss you.
Don't you know that I miss you?
Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night.
I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you:
your whisper, your smile.
Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain't that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there's so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.
And I'm sorry that I'm such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight?
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, need this.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't
And if you don't well, honey, then you don't
If you don't know, honey, honey, then you don't.
no opntions please, thank you
Me sleepy. I woke up early this morning to get to my chiro appointment. It was nice to wake up and not take an hour to get ready. Usually it takes me forever because my hair is such a freaking mess, but now that my hair is straight I ran my flat iron thru a couple times and I was set. I just wonder how it's going to be when I wash my hair. Speaking of, I can't wash my hair for two days, I just don't know if that's two days plus the day I got the chemical straightening done or two days including the say I got it done. Dilemma dilemma.
Afterwards, I went to class. I love comic spirit... I know I've said it nearly a million times, but I just had to say it again. I love the concepts we learn and it makes me feel s-m-r-t.. DOH! I mean s-m-a-r-t!
When class was over I headed to the language lab for my Italian class and did a whole lot of nothing. In fact, it was so incredibly boring I was this close of just closing my eyes. I really just wanted to fall asleep and pretend I was in my warm comfortable bed ... I know you wish you were in my bed too ;) haha.
Came home and tried to sleep, but it wasn't going the way I wanted. So I got up and started cooking rice to go with my chicken katsu. Yummy. Way good and put in a movie called Lucky 7. It was a cute romantic flick. I'm getting in that sappy valentine's day mood, ack! :)
Afterwards, I attempted to do my homework. I got as far as re-writing my notes for dance, and then I remembered I had to do my ABC book for Italian. It's just drawing pictures and writing the Italian word for it under the picture. Elementary my dear Watson... elementary. It was fun to draw, I felt like a kid for those brief moments, ha I even expressed my artistic self like I was a kid. My drawings could have been done better by a third grader. Oh wells.
Speaking of expressing my artistic side, iris and I went to Michaels yesterday and got some art supplies to begin to decorate our plain ass apartment. Our apartment is really dull; it reminds me of an insane asylum. I was on the verge of insanity. Lets just hope I find some time to actually create a masterpiece. Yah right. =P
Talk to my mama. Yes I call my mom mama. Sometimes I call her mamajita. It means little mom, and my mom is short so it works. I miss her bunches. I can't wait till she moves back to California. I feel bad when I talk to her and I get frustrated. It's like were coming from two different worlds and either I don't understand her or she doesn't understand me and it leaves me incredibly irritated. I love my mom so much, but we have trouble seeing eye to eye at times. But today we finally met at a level that we were both comfortable with. It was lovely. When we are able to find common ground it reminds me of the times when I was about 3 years old... I don't know how I remember things that long ago, but I do. My mom and I would be at our house and she'd wash the dishes and I'd get up on a chair and help her dry the dishes. I would just blab about anything and she just look at me and smile and just talk. Nice compromise and a great memory. I miss you mama.
Warning Sign / coldplay
A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I'm tired, I should not have let you go
Oooooooo
So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms.
repressing the crazy
Friday I went to a Frat party with Lucelyna. I had a lot of fun. I drank enough to get a really really good buzz. Saw Ryan, Jeff, and Jason from the first year at the dorms. When I saw them, my whole world flashed back to those days. Many good times hahaha. Parties in room C-200, taking flaming shots, putting condoms on the windows, taking pictures of the boys naked on top of our passed out RA, taking shot after shot of tequila, smoking several bowls, and stumbling up and down the halls... good times. Ryan still looks like a dork. He was the only one with potential if only he did something with that hair, que lastima. Met some of Lucy's friends. Very cool people. Christian and I talked about relationships for a brief moment, was convinced Billy was Craig, stole beads from Chris, got drinks from Albert, and got free condoms from gosh knows who. I also didn't steal those beads from chris like he insisted, he gave them to me, that's his bad. I do appreciate it tho. I'm sorry, unless I'm in freaking New Orleans for Mardi gras, I am not showing my boobs to just anyone. Especially not anyone I just met. Good night overall. Made me realize I have more options available to me than I think... the question is do I want those options available to me? Got home at 4am.
Went to SD on Saturday. Had my first bacon ranch cheese melt. I also had my first wine vinaigrette club- only 6 grams of fat! Was way tired on the way back to the LBC. Almost fell asleep a couple times on the freeway. So when I got home, I just hit the sack.
This morning, I went to denny' with Iris, John, Carlo, and Joe. Waited nearly two hours for our food, but either way it was good. Afterward we went to Go-Kart-World in Carson. So much fun. I won the first race on the super track, lapped Carlo and John :). On the turbo track, I got into a few collisions, and ran into Iris hahaha. Didn't keep track on who won, but I know I came close. Second place is first loser, right? At lease in a sense I was in first place. Haha. Was going to go on the super slick track, but I was going to get my hair chemically straightened and I already pushed the appointment back to go eat at Denny's, so I left go-kart-world early.
The stylist, Holly, at Shear Pleasures was so nice. I love going there. We talked about this and that, and it was a really great experience compared to the one at Rudy's Barber shop in LA. I can't wash my hair for two days, nor can I put my hair up, or else it will leave an ugly kink in my hair. I'm gonna be like the sister from the movie Friday, where she was sleeping with her head up and her hand under her chin. Hahaha. She also told me that I couldn't blow dry my hair that I could only use a flat iron on it for the next few days, but before I could start using it that I had to let it dry. Well, iris and I decided to go get a few movies, hit tower records, went to tilly's, and Michaels. The whole time my hair became this ugly mane on my head that was very unattractive. I can't believe Iris let me go out in public like that because it was really that bad. I swear every where we went people were staring at me like, didn't she look in the mirror before she left? Haha. We came home and calmed the mane down with a flat iron and it looks super straight and I love it.
After we subdued the beast on my hair, we hit the mall. - I'm not trying to be mean at all whatsoever! But iris and I were chit-chatting and staring the ground at the same time when out of nowhere we saw the craziest thing. (I know I'm going to hell for this.) This girl was wearing some flip flops and her toes were normal except the toe that was in a totally different row from the rest. It was like normal-normal-normal-what the hell? Where the hell did that come from?- oh my gosh-normal. We were so shocked we couldn't finish our sentences and swallowed our words. I am so mean. That's why God punished us and we left the mall with nothing.
The hardest things to say are the things that matter the most. I am having the hardest time trying to say something right now, the words are there with me, but they wont leave the tip of my tongue. The moment I attempt to speak what I think, something totally different comes out. I am sitting here contemplating wondering if it's all worth this much thinking, time, and emotion. If only I had the answer...
"There is Love, Good love, and great love. Love you get over in a couple of weeks, good love takes months to get over, and great love... you never get over."
-win a date with tad hamilton
it didn't happen?
Have you ever had a dream that was seemed real? Where, say you had a million dollars and you didn't want anyone to take it away from you so you put it somewhere only you knew. Then fell asleep in your dream and woke up, not in your dream, but actually woke up from sleeping, and went to grab the money and it wasn't there? You could honestly swear that you had it because you remember holding it in your hands, smelling it, and putting it away in that hidden place? By the time you ransacked your room, you realized "maybe it was a dream?"
I had a similar dream and when i woke up this morning i got so sad. Since then i have been kind of let down, and i have to snap out of it and say "it was just a dream!"
I had an okay day. Went to school. Went to class. Ate breakfast. Went to class. Drudged up the hill. Went to class. Got let out early. Went home. Saw "win a date with tad hamilton," with alma and iris. Went to Tower Records. Got a Van Gogh painting "Nuit etoliee sur le Rhone." (translated: starry night over the Rhone... i have no clue what rhone means). Went to Barnes & Nobles and bought "Lies my teacher told me" by James Loewen. Stopped by coldstone so alma could get ice cream. Came home.
I got a call yesterday from the auto shop fixing my car. They found more damage bringing the total costs to $4,300. My mom bought the car for $3,500. Amazing isn't? They said it's near totaled. Grrreat.
"to know nothing of what happend before you were born is to remain forever a child" ~ Cisero
it's that easy
Simplicity provides a fine line between eloquence and plainess. ~ Brown Sugar
I am exhausted. I had a very long day today. It also didn't help that I didn't go to bed until 1am and woke up at 6:45. I was at school until 2pm. As loud as my bed was calling my name, i disregarded all need to take a nap and headed to best buyyy (supposedly i pronounce it that way) for the new Incubus album. It's not a trip without a detour, so I hit the mall first. I returned a jacket and a pair of pants at american eagle, and got some faded gray jeans instead. Stopped by Pac*Sun and i got myself a desperately needed new purse. It's a cute brown cordoroy Roxy purse, and there's no purse without a matching wallet and so i got a new wallet too. I am shop-a-holic, i know.
Got home and began to write my comic spirit paper, but i am easily distracted and watched the jamie foxx stand-up instead. Next thing i know, i'm at fuckrudders eating soup with Iris, Michelle, and Melanie. I was pretty hyper, but i am glad i tagged along. Now it's 11:30 and i'm done with my paper and i'm off to bed. Life is good.
My Favorite Comedian by yours truly What do you get when Mexican parents name their American-born son Habib? You get my brother. The abnormality of giving my brother an Arabic name is not only hysterical, but also one of the main components of his character today. Another factor adding to his sense of humor is that he comes from a family of seven. In a nutshell, Habib is rolling-on-the-floor-side-cramping-can't-breathe-hilariously-funny. He's also my favorite comedian.
Jose and Virginia gave birth to their second and last son on August 14, 1981. In what they call their extensive cultural world enlightenment, they named this child Habib Zared Huerta. I call it "my parents being on crack." Crack or not, Habib was thought to be the doomed child because not only was he named Habib, but his middle name wasn't any better. The meaning behind his full name is "the beloved orchard and founder of Christianity." Not being able to rely on a good name or good looks, my brother turned to his humor and sarcasm to take the world on one person at a time.
Early in childhood, Habib learned to utilize his name as a joke. Wrapping a towel around his head to resemble a turban and asking if anybody wanted a Slurpee from 7eleven was the way he introduced himself to people. It is possible that Habib obtained his comical approach in life as a way to shield himself, particularly his feelings, from judgment of others. But that is the tip of the iceberg. The ability to make people laugh boosted his ego, and from what he tells me, it is the best feeling in the world. Realizing the effect of his humor on others, Habib loved to bring a smile to people's faces. It was his name that made it easier to open the doors of laughter to everyone, and if his name was Tony, I'm 100% positive those doors would be closed today.
The name Habib brings a chuckle to anyone, but what made Habib so entertaining is his background. Habib isn't the only one who got the crappy end of the stick. There is also Cynthia who had the normal name, Tyre (pronounced Tyra, but often mispronounced Tire), Ramsses (also known as 'Rams-ass'), and me. Basically, most of these are names that are never thought to be given to Mexican-American children. Until this day, my parents swear up and down they never did drugs in the 70's or 80's, but I beg to differ. With names like these, it's hard not to crack a few jokes about one another. Instead of keeping the jokes within the family, Habib used not only our names, but our daily lives as his attention-getter for his stand-up in front of his classroom, friends, or anyone who would listen.
Habib means 'the beloved one.' In complete honesty, my brother encapsulates the meaning of the word. He is not only loved by his family, but with such a keen sense of humor, he is adored by many others. As much as Habib wanted to change his name to Robert, and as many times he wished he had a so-called "normal" family, I know he would never alter anything in his life except maybe the time I closed the car door on his head.
the exception to the rule
I saw the munchkin today. I can't say it enough how much of a smile he brings to my face. He really lights up my day, life, everything! I hate not seeing him for days at a time because he grows so fast. I feel like I'm missing out on all the firsts in his life. It gets me sad to think he's going to grow up without me. I know that's depressing, but I swear every thing I see him he's grown another inch or he's that much smarter and as amazing all those things are, I wish I was there more. I have to admit, there's nothing better to look at little man and see him smile. I remember when he was an itty bitty baby and I'd hold him in my arms and sing his lullaby "you're my honey bunch sugar plum umdi umdi umpkin, you're my sweetie pie. You're my cuppy-cake, gum-drop, shnookums, wookums, you're the apple of my eye." And he'd fall asleep in my arms with this smile on his face as-if he knew something I didn't know. I'm never going to forget those moments.
I got my hair cut at Ray's Barber shop in LA yesterday. If Urban Outfitters had a barber shop attatched to it, this place would definitely be it. All the hair stylist seemed really cool, speaking to all their customers and being in general pretty happy. Well, except for one of the stylist. She was tall and chubby, dark-haired, with this crazy looking glasses. She was the only one who didn't seem like she was enjoying her job and she was the only stylist I really didn't want. Mind you, I've been waiting for nearly 2 hours, I was a bit ancy and was just ready to go- and then it's my turn and when I look up it's the one person I didn't want. Why couldn't I got the gay guy? Or the VERY happy girl, or anyone else besides the one who looked bitter at the world? Just as I was contemplating whether or not I would ask for someone else, my brother's voice popped into my mind and said "everything happens for a reason." So I sucked it up and walked up when she called my name. Bad decision. Not that my hair looks bad or anything, but I could have gone somewhere in long beach and gotten the same thing done for a cheaper price. It was not worth the drive, nor was it worth the price. I left with a layered cut that doesn't really look different from what my hair already looked like. I am pretty bummed about that. :(
A similar thing happened today. Last week, I was told that I would be getting Ford Mustang as my rental car, not that I like the current models very much, but it's better than other cars they have available. I get to hertz this morning, and the customer service representative tells me that I have two choices, a ford focus or a grand prix. These choices are pretty damn sad, and as much as I hate the ford focus' I am now driving the one car I didn't want. So for the next two weeks I'm stuck driving one of the ugliest cars out on the market... They might as well given me the a xion.
Watched liar liar today in my comic spirit class... I love that class. :) We talked about why it was such a big deal for Janet Jackson to have shown her boob during the super bowl. I interjected my point of view, in front of a class of nearly 200 people, "the reason why it's such a big deal is because in the U.S. we're brought up to believe that the body is disgusting. If you were to travel anywhere else in the world, people worship and appreciate the body as beautiful." and my teacher said, "that's correct. If you went anywhere else, they would shrugg about and say 'it's just a little bit of chichi'" tee-hee. I am goooood and he is funny. It's true though, I don't have much confidence when it comes to my body. If I had to count all the different things I could change about my body, I would need a few more hands and another pair of feet.
YAY!! Incubus' CD comes out tomorrow. I couldn't wait and I already looked up some of the lyrics. It amazes me how people can actually encapsulate in words what they may feel about a person. These people are definately amazing lyricist and extremely talented. When I say this about incubus' lyrics it's mostly in reference to "I miss you" and "stellar"... Okay mostly "I miss you," but this isn't too shabby.
"here in my room"
This party is old and uninviting
Participants all in black and white
You enter in full blown technicolor
Nothing is the same after tonight
If the world had fallen apart
In a fiction worthy wind
I wouldn't change a thing
Now that you're here
Your love is a verb here in my room
Here in my room, here in my room
You enter and close the door behind you
Now show me the world as seen from the stars
If only the lights would dim a little
I'm weary of eyes upon my scars
Pink tractor beam into your incision
Head spinning is free
I came here expecting next to nothing
So thank you for being that kind of girl
