You had me at hello
I'm a sucker for good lines in movies, tv shows, even in reality, a good line has me turning into a puddle of water. i've heard a few heart stoppers lately. Call me a mo, but i watch Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and yesterday someone said something so heartfelt... Well lemme start from the begining. The Queer Eye Guys were making over a man who eloped with his wife so many months ago and now wanted to have a real reception with both families. The father of the bride got up and made a speech about how when his daughter was young she would always imagined that she was cinderella. She would dress up as Cinderella and wait for her prince to come. And than he said, I always knew she was a princess and now she has found her prince. How sweet is that? Hopefully my dad or my mom will say something like that when i get married. It'll mean a lot to know that they approve of the man i marry.
I forgot where i heard this one, but this guy and girl were arguing to stay together and she said, "your life has been put on hold since you met me." And he said, "no, my life started when i met you... i want to spend the rest of my life with you... i love you."
from the notebook: girls says: "see we're already figting!" Guy says "But that's what we do, we fght!"
here's a true story line that i thought was sweet.... someone text messaged my friend "you're gorgeous, i love you." short, sweet, simple, and to the point. she knows she's a lucky girl and he knows he's a lucky guy.
I've been given a few lines myself, but i'd rather not disclose them. Okay maybe one... my friend johno said "want to see my nipple rings?" definately short and to the point. Just in case you want to know, i did see his nipple ring and by God did i twist them! I'm evil.
For those wondering about my oral surgery... i'm a soldier.
You dingleberry!
i have a huge headache. It's pounding like ricky ricardo playing his bongos. it's probably a migraine. Damn you headache!
I Just arrived in Glendale. I have round two of wisom teeth manana, so my mom is taking me to the dentista. If it was like the last time, i shall triumph and be the ultimate champion.
Yesterday a few people came over while others were tripping on E. They turned off the lights so our apartment was pitch black, or at least as black as it will ever be. They put on some rave music and began dancing like it was a mini rave. I wasn't thrilled. I got bored. Just not my idea of fun. We played a few rounds of bones and i won. I am the greatest person alive.
Today i had to take the CPE, computer proficiency exam. I kicked the CPE's Asshoe! Now that it's over i could use a shot of vodka, weed, and a hot bubbly bath with scented candles. Anyone willing to provide that for me? if you can, could you please throw in Brad Pitt. Thanks!
reality. everything that happens is freaking reality. so don't talk to me and patronize me acting like i don't know that our conversation is real. Nothing you say will change the situation. We all know that you have a stick up your ass, but it doesn't really mean you have a stick up your ass, dipshit! If you pleaded with God, if you sold your soul to the devil, if you made a million wishes at a wishing well, doesn't mean you can change the current unfortunate events arlight? Stop acting like you can change the world because you want something to happen, no matter what you say no matter what you do will change that. Get off your high horse and just accept it. It's people like you who ruin a perfectly good day.
where is the time going?
drove to sd friday it took 2.5 hrs!
1 hr of traffic from oceanside-del mar.
fucking traffic. stupid horse races! causing me a lot of restlessness.
Found myself drooling for LL Cool J b/c of his new headsprung video.
He looks scrumptious and so much younger. i wouldn't mind ass from him.
Shopped at fashion and at benita. Had a cali burrito from lolitas. yummy.
Got sexied up for a night out with the girls, Iris, Norey, and Christy.
Got our drinky drink on at DNB's. Good stuff. Wish i got a free drink.
Went to a party only to find out it already got popped. Bastards.
Met up at Lolitas and kicked it in southside until 3am.
Joe Q learned what's hot and not when it comes to bedside rituals.
Saturday watched Cinderella story while enjoying a famous star.
Chad Micheal Murray is very very very fuckable. saucey!
Rushed home to spend time with the familia. Especailly my brother.
Watched the bourne supremacy. a good action flick.
spent time with loved ones... both good and sad. :(
now i'm spending my time studying for this CPE Exam. yuck.
Ray Charles "You Don't Know Me"
booo!!
i cried coming home today. i already miss my brother and he hasn't even left yet. i know he's leaving b/c he wants to finish school and he needs to do that, but he just got here. I've only had him two years and now he's going again. wahhhhhhhhhh!!!
i don't notice you
I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
Where I would impress you,
Where every single word I said
Would come out insightful or brave, or smooth, or charming
And you'd want to call me..
And I
Would be there every time
You need me;
I'd be there every time..
But for now,
I'll look
So longingly..
Waiting
For you to want me
For you to need me
For you to notice me
i take the blame
I got my hands on the notebook DVD. It's not a horrible bootleg, but it wasn't the best either. That movie makes me cry. If I put
MY emotions into it, I'd probably bawl like a baby, but I just let the movie take over my feelings. If you haven't seen it, I recommend you do and if you already saw it, well I recommend you see it again. That movie has you juggling your emotions. Do you laugh? Do you cry? Do you Smile? Do you cry laugh and smile all at the same time? I think that's the best and only compromise to get you thru to the end. You can see how much the actors had to pour of themselves into that movie. THey did a good job because it gets the water works going and i'm sure it gets the tears going for mostly all who have seen it. I believe it gets those who have been in a similar relationship a little bit harder because they remember having something so special. It's a good feeling.
I used to talk to my friend David all the time. He was just someone who would listen and put his two cents in, but mainly there to lend an ear. Just before my birthday he made a comment about me and although we always had a very blunt and sarcastic humor towards each other it pushed a few buttons. I know he said what he said as a joke, but i couldn't help but take offense to the comment. I wont restate it- all that needs to be said was that it honestly hurt my feelings. I stopped talking to him since. Chit chat every now and than, but nothing like it use to be.
It wasn't until yesterday that we cleared the air. Quite frankly, if it wasn't for me questioning how i was feeling by saying that i wasn't myself that i seemed different and that i was acting like i wasn't happy than i would have just continue to ignore him. I finally told him why I haven't spoke to him. He thought i was kidding, but i wasn't. He apoligized and i accepted his apology. It was than that i realized i may have been punishing him for saying something that someone else made me feel once before. Instead of taking out my aggression on that person, poor david took the blame. I'm the bad guy here. I didn't tell him this, i don't have the balls to, but we went on like always. I confided in him and to make me happy again he made me a song called smile. It made me smile. He's a good friend.
Oh yeah... when i went to cohiba's with Hanako, there was a really bad ass DJ named jericho! He was on FIRE! hahaha. Dude i still have your beer! Does Beer go bad? IT's been in my trunk for almost two weeks now and the weather has been scorching. So if you still want the guiness and tecate let me know. I'm supposed to give it to Hanako, but we running buds have a tendency to forget.
i need you
undiscovered mp3
Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave
Like the taste of my kiss on your lips
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
Don't walk away
Touch me now, how I wanna feel something so real
Please remind me, my love
And take me back
Cause I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing, I'm suffocating without you
Until you feel it too
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreamin' that you'll walk right through my door
It's then I know my heart is whole
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cause I don't wanna be alone
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
I need you
Cause I can't fake
And I can't hate
But it's my heart that's about to break
You're all I need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you
There's no doubt
I freak out
I'm left out
Without you
I'm without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
Don't walk away
you were looking good that night
This is my first post from my new room. I've been here for awhile now, but i still haven't felt settled. Posters and pictures are up, but somethings missing. I haven't had that usual first night tradition where me and my girls have our first drink or something silly along those lines. Yeah i'm gay... a "mo" according to lines of will and grace. This year is supposed to be all about work and school, but honestly now that i have my computer, a tv, and my phone in my room, i may never get anything done. I'm doomed.
Off the subject, but anyone see the commercial with adrian brodie?? Yeah that's sexy ugly at its finest. grrr ;)
i'll put pictures up from cohibas, moms bday, and of my room later...my arse hurts
it's the drugs
i guess the circle of life idea is the answer to all questions. That's just the way life is, you can't explain it, but for some reason we are all on this continuim. Our interactions with other people are the cross overs, i think in math it's called the intersections. Sometimes our lives cross for long periods, the rest of the time it's people just coming in and out of our lives. It's just sad because even if a person was on your continuim for good while, later on your in life they could just be a line passing through.
the things people tell themselves to get through tough times ... pathetic? or just human?
FOOD!
I get to eat solids today! I actually had solids yesterday too... tee-hee. I am not in much pain as i thought i would be. There was a point yesterday that i actually felt a tear of pain about to drip down my face, but i held it in like a champion. Other than the first day of this process, it's not that bad. Well, the worst part was the surgery part. I nearly died when i was under the knife. They just used novocaine on me, so i was awake the whole time. I was so scared. I heard the drilling, the cutting, the sunctioning. I saw the blood, the knife, the clamp... scary! I couldn't stop shaking my and when i came out my mom said i was ice cold. Yah, so what i nearly pissed my pants. I'm here now aren't i? After the 29th, it will be just a distant memory.
words of wisdom:
GO SUCK A NUT
2 small words and 1 big
Today is the day, the first set of my wisdom teeth are coming out. Everyone keeps asking why they don't take all four out at the same time, well like i've been told by the dentist, my two bottom wisdom teeth are coming in horizontal instead of vertical. So people stop asking. Anywho just as long as i am up and going for a birthday that is in 7 DAYS (IRIS eh hem!) i'm good. man... i'm gonna be a gump, what a pooper.
I looked at my school schedule, the mother fucker starts on august 23rd. isn't that shit? I still need to enroll in a few more classes since i didn't get to go to summer school. Yah i'll have a full schedule but if i can work 40 hours and go to school full time i'm pretty sure i can pack on the work. Maybe now that i have my own room i'll be more up for it. Not that sharing a room was bad, but i usually found myself destracted in a lot of fun ways. So it's decided, this semester i am as determined as a fat girl wanting a cupcake, to do well in school and all that motivational shit that goes along with it. By golly i am going to Italy dammit and that's final.
i leave YOU with two small words and one big:
GO FUCK YOURSELF
thank you.
Cohiba's
Some girls dance with women
Knowing that it gives them attention
I wanna get in with them
So pass me a drink and lets go
This is exactly what Hanako and I wanted the guys at cohiba's to think yesterday. For the most part i think it worked. As hanako put it, we were sexy bitches. Ha. We danced all night until closing time. I even got this guys' number, but guys at clubs and guys at party's usually only want one thing and i am not the one to give it to them. Losers. I think his name was sabastian... what kind of name is that? Fucking little mermaid style... what a dingleberry. But yeah we had a bunch of fun getting hit on and danced with. The bouncer came up to me, who by the way had an english accent, and told me how beautiful i was and that there must be something wrong with these american guys because i shouldn't be here alone. A definite ego boost. I think i like this clubbing idea. must do it again very soon. Have to say i had most fun dancing with Hanako ;)
I am better off
These eyes
They're strongly covered in disguise.
They’re waiting on the real time again.
You’ll see
That no one knows for sure.
For all of this,
I’m better off without you.
Do you regret all your loneliness?
This ride
Is drifting slowly to the side.
We’re swerving off the road,
Going past the cones.
That warns us from the start.
Every day goes, every night goes,
Every day goes, every night goes,
Every day goes, every night.
On and on,
We sing this song of tired days
That’s oh so wrong.
Every night we sing this song for you.
I'm better off without you
Time after time
(Cassandra Wilson version off the brown sugar soundtrack)
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion
is nothing new
flashbacks warm nights
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after time
sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me, I can't hear
what you've said
then you go slow
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds
after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows you're wondering
if I'm ok
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time
if you're lost you can look and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
time after time
Losing wisdom
I am officially getting my wisdom teeth out next week. Well the left side first and than the right side the following week. I'm going to look like the deformed guy from goonies. "hey you guuys!"
Speaking of deformities, I saw Joe last week. It was I accident. I went to L&L's, which happens to be right next to his work and I spotted his fro from afar. At first I was skeptical, but his miss-shapened head was a giveaway. I contemplated to say anything at first, but with a little help I went to say hello. We mingled for a bit, nothing really important. He was sick and had vomited, I know it was true b/c he reeked. I wasn't going to give him a hug, but I did. The one armed hug to be exact. Than he yelled to call him. "I'm still waiting for you to call me," I yelled back. That was that I was on my way.
He called me later that night, only I missed it b/c I was drunk down south. Apparently, I called him back before I went to bed, the only reason I know is because I saw it on my call log. I found out later that I yelled at him and said "what do you want from me?" I repeated my time several times and didn't let him get in a word edgewise. Eventually we hung up the phone. Who knows how long it lasted... I was drunk and found myself in the loft the next day. I was too drunk that night... Never again.
Well I had thought that was the end of it... I thought it ended a long time ago, but I was wrong. Joe called me again last night while I was staying at my sister's apartment. I answered it and I asked why he was calling me. He said cuz he was thinking about me. "you were thinking of me? No way?" yeah I said it with a lot of sarcasm. We talked about the night I was drunk and how I was yelling at him. Than it got silent and he sighed. It was one of those sighs that tells you something is wrong. So I asked him. He said nothing. Asked again, and I got the same response. I told him I'm going to hang up and that's when he started talking. "It's just that..." And that's when I cut him off. "Bye Joe... You got your chance to say it, but you lost it." Click.
I'm so tired of playing games. I feel like I play more games now than I did as a child. For some reason I always end up losing. Perhaps it's because I have this preconceived notion that love is like the stories they tells us from childhood. That one day my prince will come, he will sweep me off my feet, and we'll ride into the sunset to live happily ever after. In some cases that is true, but for everyone else they forget to mention a few major details. For example:
1) You may meet "the one," but to find them you have to kiss a lot frogs.
2) You may fall in love, but you'll also get your heart broken.
a) The person you thought was a prince/princess was actually a frog in disguise and while he/she is laughing all the way to the next girl/boy, you are left alone trying to pick up the pieces of your shattered heart.
3) Get used to this line: "I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
I don't think Cinderella ever heard that before. It's like saying, "I just wanted to see how much longer I could have you believe my lies before I really got tired of you." Or "I was too chicken shit that's why I developed a plan to be an ass/bitch to you, that way you would break up with me and I wouldn't feel so bad about myself."
I sound so bitter don't I? We have all been through it all. I know I've just listed the bad, but there is also the good. The good defies everything the heartache brings. It makes you want to be a better person. It keeps you smiling for no reason at all- all the time. As bad day as you can be having, you can hear one word from that person and you are more than okay, you're wonderful. It's seeing that person and not being able to explain the feeling that rushes through your body. It's pure happiness. It's one of the greatest feelings I have ever had and I'm lucky to have had the opportunity to have it. When it ended, it made me sad, but the memories are still vivid and now that I think of the past I'll smile. I just wish I knew that once it ended he felt the same way I felt about him... A simple I miss you or I missed you would suffice. To know that my feelings weren't wasted is all I'm asking for. I think that's all we're asking for once a good relationship has ended. It isn't much.
