just being me

May 25, 2004

Too effing bad

damn don't you hate it when a really hot guy hits on you and asks you out on a date? Even worse when they ask you out when you're looking like shit? What tops the cake is when this handsome man (keyword: man) is everything you've ever wanted and more and sweeps you off your feet because he's romantic? Extremely frustrating. What a waste of a man. Especially, since we have all these amazing boys who aren't emotional intouch with anything- true winners. Makes me wonder what the world is coming to, it's such a shame.

May 24, 2004

Reunited and it feels so good

Now that school is out, I've been reunited with a few old friends, couch and TV. It's nice to sit in my butt dent in the couch and watch TV again and not have to worry about a stupid paper or homework. I'm free, free at last, until summer school starts in about three weeks. So until school ruins my summer I'm taking as much TV and couch as I possibly can.
For the past week I've put up camp at my sister's house. Nothing exciting really.

Okay so the Laker/timberwolves series. First I can't believe the lakers lost the second game and so horribly. Secondly, Wally Szczerbiak is so freaking hot... I don't mind watching him shoot at all. I guess the lakers can prolong the inevitable of beating the timberwolves, so I can continue eying the muscles and beautiful smile on Wally, but i don't feel comfortable doing so when the lakers lose by 18 points. Okay?

May 18, 2004

Ho molti cosi che devo fare

I have a lot that I have to do. I'd rather not do anything. I guess it's my way of attempting to stop time because as soon as those things get done, than on to other things that I may just not be ready to do.

In Italy it is considered good luck to be pooped on by a bird. Well, today I guess I've been semi blessed because just as I was going to take my Finite test, I found a little bird dropping on my left shoulder. It wasn't big, nothing too noticeable, but all in all there. By the time I noticed it, it had enough time to dry, and so I was able to dust it off. There's still this white residue, but it looks more like toothpaste. We will see if I'm lucky, as soon as I find out my final grades.

I was going to sell back my books today, but the stupid bookstore said "sorry we're not buying back any of your books." Fuckers. I thought we were suffering from a major budget cut and we're getting new books? Hmmm... I think it be best to stick to the ones we already have. Besides it is a waste of money for the students. I'm pretty sure there isn't a difference from the 5th addition to the 6th addition. Bastards.

Tomorrow is my last final. I have only looked over half of my notes once. I'm not worried, but than again it could really suck. Waking up early to study. Wish me luck. Hopefully that miniscule bird shit will be luck enough.

May 16, 2004

can't find the words to say

I know I am not perfect, I am far from perfection, but at least I know it. There are people who look in the mirrors and don't see any of their flaws. It saddens because they are so quick to judge and criticize others of their imperfections- they never really get to know people. They would rather base their opinions on one flawed event than to see the goodness a person has. It hurts me to know that my mistakes might be weighed higher than my good traits. I just hope people can see that if you always judge you build up a lot of hate and anger inside and not only is that unhealthy but it also leaves you alone.

It's officially finals week. My finals start Tuesday end Wednesday. I'm not too stressed. Come to think of it, I haven't ever really been that stressed over finals. I know I should, but I think if I stress myself out that I will do worse. I'm not the type of person to lock themselves in a room and study for hours, or an hour for that matter. It's too overwhelming. The final I'm worried most about is my Italian Final, just because there is so much to remember especially with all the irregular verbs and shiz. My dance final is take home, which I will start working on sometime soon. I've always been good in math, and right now were going back to algebra in Finite math, like matrices and substitution and crap, so I just need to refresh on three of the sections and I'll be doing good. Comic spirit is really easy to grasp if you have an open mind. I am closed minded at times, but I feel that I am more open than anything. Since I have managed to ace everything in that class I'm not too worried. Just going to review the concepts of arduous lovers, and some of the movies we watched. Finals are chill.

Ha finals are so chill, that Iris and I managed to have one last road trip to San Diego last night. It's going to be the last one together. :( It's sucks. But last night was fun. We went to nelson's to celebrate his 21st. It's nice getting to see all those people again, most I haven't seen since backyard boogie. Nelson got me a few drinks, I got buzzed, nothing too bad. He actually pulled me aside to ask me a few questions about that night in December. That's cool tho, I'd rather he ask than hearing whatever rumors that may have been spread. Overall it was a pretty nice night. I was in the mood to dance, but no one was really dancing except for the really drunk hoochie mamas, who were very annoying. Apparently they have never been under the influence of alcohol and needed to express to everyone "how drunk they were!" in very loud voices. There was something missing... I just can't put my finger on it.

Things are still up in the air about something and I do need a change, but I don't know if it will happen. I really want to do it, very badly and I would love to do it. Love is just the tip of the iceberg, but there are things that must be taken care of before i make any change. At last I know there are options for me. I'm tired of feeling confined to one way of life. I'm young and I'm ready to experience everything and anything wherever the road takes me.

Met genuinely nice people today. I've never met people who are giving without question. Who open their house, share their food, and don't care if you know them or not. It was a nice way to end the week and to start finals week.

All you fools who have finals good luck, all of you schmucks who are still in school, sucks to be you, and the rest of you who aren't dealing with school shit, I envy you and love you.

May 14, 2004

thank you

Damn after watching Troy... my boyfriend (if i had one) would be one happy camper. Man... Brad pitt is so freaking amazing. He made all the girls in the theatre bite their lips in complete awe because he's so beautiful. Even the guys were holding their breath because he was delectible in every single way possible. If only they would just show a little bit more south of the border... i think i could be happy for the rest of the year. Jennifer Aniston is freaking lucky. Share the wealth! okay gonna go and have dreams of brad pitt. Thank you GOd for making such a perfect man.

if you leave

If you leave, don't leave now
Please don't take my heart away
Promise me just one more night
Then we'll go our separate ways
We always had time on our sides
Now it's fading fast
Every second every moment
We've got to--we've gotta make it last

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends someday

If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste one single day
But if you leave don't look back
I'll be running the other way
Seven years went under the bridge
Like time was standing still
Heaven knows what happens now
You've got to--you've gotta say you will

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd still be friends

I touch you once I touch you twice
I won't let go at any price
I need you now like I needed you then
You always said we'd meet again someday

If you leave
Oh if you leave
Oh if you leave
Don't look back
Don't look back

May 12, 2004

...dazed and confused

how can the thought of something happening get my panties in a twist?

shit! mother fucker! shit! shit! shit! shit! fuck!

I've been watching too much sex and the city episodes.

michelle said after eating a brownie sundae at dennys's
"it wasn't that satisfying. i need something eles, like yanno... Dick."

ha ha ha

okay got loads of shit to deal with booo!

May 10, 2004

three's a charm

I watched the top 22 hip hop artist on mtv the other day, freaking whack. I know I'm not the greatest hip hop fan, but damn... LIL' Kim was number 8 all-time hip hop artist?! The reason she was put on the list is because her slutty dress attire causes a people to want to censor her. The fact that she doesn't care what others think makes her a hip-hop phenomenon? I don't think so. Anyways sluts usually don't care what others think, if they did would they be sluts? I thought hip hop was about musical style not clothing. That's MTV for yah. I just can't believe she beat out Queen Latifa! LL Cool J! Beastie Boys! Common! MTV sucks. They make a list according to the media driven society. Hip Hop is about lyricism and making sense of those words that send a message. Lil' Kim's "how many licks" doesn't really do that it's a cluster raunchy lyrics and clothes. Okay it does send a message, "lil Kim is horny." I'm disappointed in the list and I thought I'd share the popularity game of entertainment.
Speaking of MTV, this summer they're coming to Long Beach from may 27-June 12th. That's so freaking funny... Long Beach? I would think they'd hit Huntington first or Newport. Not Long Beach. Ha, but whatever. They have this thing "help to get a hot summer bod" Honestly, I'm tempted. Only because they usually hook up those people with makeovers and clothes, but I don't want to be on national television remembered as the fat girl with the boobs. But hey, if they want to motivate me for free, than maybe it's not such a bad idea. It's not like I'm overweight I just need the help to get toned. Than again I have Hanako, but she's leaving soon on her fun trips, so when she's gone who'se my working out buddy?
Today she and I started our running. I died. I got the worst cramps I imagined the eye of the tiger playing in the background as I fell onto the ground in slow motion my sweat jumping from me and my eyes rolling at the final hit of the ground. Luckily that didn't happen, but it could have. I am out of shape. What happened to the days where I could run a mile in 6 minutes? Oh happy days. But I guess we have to start somewhere to get to anywhere. I can't just magically appear healthy and in shape in a days work, at least I am doing something. I'm doing it for myself.
Yesterday was mother's day and I didn't spend it with my mother. She left early morning to catch her plane to take her to Puerto vallarta to see her mother. Infact, we celebrated Mother's day on Saturday, we went to the yard house in Pasadena. It was alright. I think it could have been better, but whatever. The bill came out to be 235 tip included. That was too much for not really being satisfied. All that matters is that I spent the day with my mom and it was fun. This year I didn't get her anything, well nothing tangible. Instead of a gift, she asked me if I would go to church three times on Sunday. That's not asking for much, and besides I wasn't doing anything else, so yesterday I went to church three times. There were two different priest. One reminded me of the priest in Princess Bride (which is one of my favorite movies). The other priest was funny. He didn't just speak, he correlated events that happen or that are happening right now in our society, into the sermon. It hits harder that way. The sermon was about loving others the way God loves you, and how important it is to let others know how you feel about them. If you let the moment pass you by you may not get another chance to say you care and than it will be too late. Love isn't an evil word, he coninued, love is special and if you have love with your family, your friends, or significant others, cherish it and tell them.
It makes you think. It made me think.
All in all, I'm glad I was able to fulfill my mother's wish. I know she knows I love her, but actions speak louder than words sometimes, and if she ever needs that resassurance I'll be willing to do it. That goes for everyone I care about. I Love You.

May 07, 2004

no regrets

Life is full of awkward moments. These moments bring a happening that is either good or bad or neither. There is something sweet and longing about the good awkward moments because they usually ignite a spark between two people. When two people are close in proximity, anything can happen. One second you can be looking at a person and see nothing and feel nothing , but than there is that silence, the uneasiness in your stomach, the sudden drop in your heart that has you wishing for something more. You begin to feel like there is a reason for each of you to be at that place at that time. It's in that moment where the two of you have to make a decision. Both of you have come to the same crossroad where you can either pull away and leave things untouched or let go of your entire world because your heart is beating fast and slow at the same time and all you see is the perfection of that other person. The seconds do turn into minutes, the world disappears, and as time fades away the anticpation builds inside. Looking into each other eyes you don't remember anything about your life, except that there are a million butterflies racing through your body. And you wait for a life time for the greatest feeling, the first kiss. You kiss and nothing ever compares to that moment. You see fireworks, you feel scared, you feel explosions, but most importantly you feel happy. Every part of your body tells you to not let go of that instant because it has never felt so safe and you want the feeling to last forever. For the first time in a long time you feel at home. Your hugs become stronger, your hands are held with a firmer grip, and you keep your eyes shut tight because the moment you open them you know it has to come to an end. Your eyes finally open and you know what comes next, the goodbyes. Scared, you don't say a word because you're afraid to wake up from the best dream. The excitement builds inside you anyway, making it impossible to hold back a smile, to not make your eyes glisten, and to not make you feel special. You remember what it is like to be a child again. Your heart jumps in relief when it isn't a dream. The rest of the time spent together is like a fairytale. The moment finally comes when you have to let go so, you let your lips touch one more time, and your hands feel each other to the very tips, and you look into their eyes and turn around to leave. You walk away and take another glance only to find them looking back at you too. Perfection. Inside you can't believe what's just happened. You are in reverie of every single second from the point of uneasiness to the point of one last look. All you hear is your heartbeat. You lie in bed smiling for hours and you thank God for that one awkward moment until you finally drift into the best sleep of your life.

Spent another great night with friends last night. I made my bomb ass homemade tacos, with home made slasa, rice, and beans. I'm glad everyone enjoyed it because i had a really great time making it for them. We played spoons, we took shots, we played superspeed, we watched friends, i cried, we laughed, we played "i never," we had an intellectual talk, we talked about sex, most importantly we had fun. Cheers to another night of fun and here is a toast to many more to come.

quickie

reverie is a good word

May 05, 2004

there's a pebble in my shoe

The room is spinning. I feel nauseous. My head hurts. One would look at these symptons and one would think i am sick again. No, i'm not sick it's something else. What i have is caused by a group of people getting together having fun and drinking. Yes people, I have a hangover. As crappy as i feel right now and as much as i just want to crawl into bed and sleep, I had so much fun yesterday that it was sooooooo worth it. Who should i be thanking for feeling so wonderful? I thank Hanako for inviting me to hang out, i thank iris for hanging out with me, i thank jericho for being so hospitable, and the rest of them for being soooooooo friendly. Man i love ammeretto sour... delish. i can drink that all night. it was daem good. I love being able to hang out with cool ass people and just drink and have fun and get to know everyone... that's like the best recipe to having a good time. Especially while watching save by the bell, coming to america, slapping asses, calling friends damn sexy, and taking pictures. So to thank all the wonderful people, dinner at my place thursday night for the friends finale. There will be food, drinks, games, and crying. can't wait.

Just before i went to bed, my drunkeness consumed me and i did what i've been wanting to do for a long time now. I called joe. NOT TO TALK TO HIM, but to tell him off. I called him the first time he didn't pick up. the second time i left him a message. now remember i was drunk so i started the message off with, "i hate you. I fucking hate you. You are seriously not worth any of time. i'm done with you." Click. yes it was harsh but someone had to end it. He wasn't gonna be mature enough to do it, so i did it. I don't know what compelled me to call back especially since i already ended it on his voicemail, but i guess that's the thing i'm not gonna be that shallow. if i was gonna let him know that he was shit, than i wanted him to hear it as i speak it. Than i called and blocked my number and he finally answered. I was like woah you fucking answered your phone. i just wanted to let you know you're fucking gay..." this is where i forgot what i said, b/c the drunken fog began hazing into my memory, but all i remember is that i didn't let him talk, and i ended it with "this is over." And i hung up the phone without him saying a word. I have to say it felt refreshing. I felt something lift off my shoulder, or maybe it was my stomach telling me to go to the toilet? Whatever it was, it was a great feeling and as i fell fast asleep i heard "we are the champions" ringing through my ears. Yeah it was a good night. :)

okay, so that is done with. we both didn't have to talk to each other anymore. we could go our seperate ways at least knowing that i got some closure. Besides, i knew joe wasn't gonna call me back after i hung up on him. I know him, he doesn't care. So you can just imagine the look of suprise on my face when he called me at 7:30 this morning. I answered the phone with my groggy still drunk and i know i'm gonna have a hangover voice. The first thing he says is,
"what the fuck is up with your message? You fucking hate me? You're done with me?"
The first thing that came to my mind was, fuck i'm still drunk. THe second thing that came to my head was... why are you calling me? DId i say i'm done with you? THan i mean it dumbass! so i said,
"joe we don't talk. you don't call me. there is no point in this."
"so that means you fucking hate me? you don't want to see me anymore?"
"yeah pretty much. Maybe i don't hate you, but i don't like you. I don't know you enough to hate you, but what you showed me is that you can say anything and not mean it."

I don't understand him. Not only did he continue to fight with there being a reson for us to still try at this, but he kept promising and saying sorries. Like does he think i'm gonna fall for it again? Okay he says he is sorry and that he'll try to call me more so i'm gonna give him another try. NO! gosh no. The first time it's their fault the second time it's your fault, the third time it's not gonna happen. I believed him one too many times. and i'm over it. I told him,

"yanno you say you're sorry you say your promises, you say you care about me, but if any of those things were true than you would call me, than you would want to know about me, you would care to say hi to me at least once out of the week, but you don't. So that tells me you're not sorry, that tells me you are a liar, and that says you don't care at all about me."

The fucker had the audacity to say, "but i'm sorry, and i promise to call you, and i swear i care about you." THAN he started to laugh and he said, "i'm sorry i'm not laughing at you, i'm laughing because you've analyzed this so much."
OHhh mother fucker! no you didn't. No YOU FUCKING DIDN'T! "Trust me, i haven't sat here by the phone waiting for your call. YEah i've wondered about you, but i haven't analyzed you. Your actions say that... it doesn't take a genius! I don't waste my time to think about you.." I think that hurt his feelings because he didn't say anything he just kind of did that like sigh kind of thing, but i don't care.

Than he said, "well i'm gonna go visit my sister and we can go hang out get to know each other."

i didn't say anything. But he continued anyway. Everytime he said a reason we should try at this i had a good reason to say no we shouldn't try at this. He said i don't call you because i don't like talking on the phone... okay you want to have a relationship with me and dont forget i live far away, but you don't want to call me? how else are we supposed to get to know each other? if we don't talk on the phone what is there? THere is absolutely nothing! And that's what i told him. But he wouldn't give up. he continue to argue with me.

Than he said the words that expected him to say, "well i got to go, but can i call you later? I promise i'll call you."
"why are you gonna call me?"
"i hate when you say that. I hate when you say 'if you want to call me than call me.' i hate when we're ending a conversation on the phone and i tell you 'i'll call you back, i promise,' and you tell me to not end the conversation like that to only end it with bye."
"Comeon joe. i'm not gonna sit here and waste my time on you. I told you once i would waste my time with you, but not on you. You can't just continue to play these games. I never wanted to have to setup meetings to talk to you, i wanted you to call me because you wanted to call me. NOt because you have to. And as far as you ending our conversations with "i'll call you back, i promise." The reason i don't like you saying that is because that makes you a liar. I know you wont call me anyway, but it's the principle of the matter. If you don't mean than don't say it. It's like when you say you care about me, it's all a lie. if you did than you would freaking care enought to know how i'm doing. so why are you gonna tell me you're gonna call me when we both know you wont? why don't we just end this already?"
"i'll call you after work, i promise."
"bye"
"bye"
why can't he just let it go? Okay yeah i shouldn't have answered the phone. But apart of me just wants him to understand where i'm coming from so i can get an understanding of why he continue to want to keep this going when there isn't anything going? I know i'm trying to find out the impossible but i wouldn't mind knowing. But if he doesn't call like expect him not to, i'm not calling him ever again. The only way he'll become apart of my thoughts again is if i hear from him. The only reason i write about him now, is because i'm so mad he woke me up from my sleep. Anyways drama is fun to write about. hahaha i'm such a girl.

May 03, 2004

caliente

man what's up with this record breaking heat? I don't understand this weather, it goes from being raining freezing weather where you wanted to wear layered clothing to wantting to wear next to nothing because it's 104 outside? Ridiculous. It's nice wearing shorts, skirts, sandals, and tank tops. :)
woke up super early this morning! well early for me, especially on a monday. Got my butt out of bed at 6:25 woke up my mom, got ready quick style, and went to the DMV. Waited in the line for the DMV to open... got there at 7, opened at 8, left at 8:15. so it really wasn't that bad.
Afterward went to get see what was up with my car. For the last three weeks, it's been making this crazy UGLY sound, and i absolutely hated it with a passion. It was also very scary to hear, i thought it was just something hitting another thing in the trunk, but it wasn't. Than my brother-in-law said it was the catallitic converter whatever that is. We took it in, and it was actually the exhaust. There was a hole in it. I'm glad tho cuz now you can't hear me coming from a mile away. It also makes the car ride that much more smoother. AND i can hear people when they talk. All for a small fee of $125. Not bad.
My feet hurt and i'm tired. Off to bed kiddos.
I keep hearing the lady from church farting. Everytime i hear someone cough, i anticipate a fart. Man i go to church to be a better person and i come out laughing about farts. odd?

coincidence? i think not!

I had a great weekend. My mom is the greatest! It's incredibly comforting to be able to just sit next to her, my hands in her hands, and my head on her shoulder. It's the one place where i can breathe and know that everything is going to be alright. I love being able to get her a glass of water or asking if she's comfortable, because she means the world... more like the universe to me. I remembenr when I was a kid my mom would ask me how much i loved her and i used to say, "i love you from here to the moon and back." Now that i think of it, it's not enough, i love her from here to the farthest star and back. That seems just about right. If not I love her more than that.

Things are looking up for me, i feel it. Hasn't been the greatest of years, but it definately hasn't been the worst. I really can't complain. I am thankful for all the wonderful opportunities that i have, and i even more blessed for being where i am. What makes me feel even more special is that i have so many unique and genuinely true friends. Of course i didn't foget about my family, i love them lots too and I am more than lucky to have them by my side. Happy days, oh happy days.

Not only am i happy right now, but i also have a happy song that reminds me it's all good. coincidence?

Artist: Modest Mouse
Song Title: Float on lyrics
I backed my car
into a cop car the other day
Well he just drove off
sometimes life's ok
I ran my mouth off a bit too much
oh what can I say
Well you just laughed it off
it was all ok

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on any way well

Well, a fake Jamaican
took every last dime with a scam
It was worth it
just to learn from slight-of-hand
Bad news comes don't you worry
even when it lands
Good news will work its way
to all them plans
We both got fired
on the exactly the same day
Well we'll float on
good news is on the way

And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on ok
And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Now don't worry we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Alright don't worry we'll all float on

And we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Aliright don't worry
even if things end up a bit to heavy
we'll all float on alright
Already we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Ok don't worry we'll all float on
Even if things get heavy we'll all float on
Alright already we'll all float on
Don't you worry we'll all float on
All float on

May 02, 2004

church, themore you go the more you fart

I went to church today with my mom and iris. My mom sat in the seat next to the aisle, me, iris, and next to iris this older lady in a pink shirt and some jeans. The mass comenced and i was sitting there eagerly because I haven't really been to mass in my life, so i'm just trying to follow all that was going on, and than it happend. The lady sitting next to iris starting coughing, she stood up, coughed one really big cough and than POOF! She farted! It sounded as if she was trying to hold it with the force of her butt cheeks, but it came out anyway. Than she crawled over the three of us and left a little present with each step, we just moved our legs and held our breathe with a smile on our face. As soon as she left, we started laughing! err correction, iris and i started to laugh. all i kept thinking was YOU'RE in church! Be kind, focus! But i couldnt' hlep it cuz everytime i tried to focus, i'd see iris laughing... i couldn't contain myself and i had to put my head between my knees... and that's when my mom nudged me and said "shut up." hahahahahahahahahahaha

good day

I didn't get to go to san diego. i haven't found my wallet. I'm okay tho, cuz i spent an awesome day with my mom. It's days like these that bring me back to my childhood. Today was even better because now i can appreciate the joys my mother has always brought to me instead of taking it all for granted.
My sister picked me up early to head out to Glendale. We got there my mom made an awesome breakfast. Than we headed to her storage space to get some boxes out for her. Her storage space is about 7ft high by 14 feet long by 6 feet wide. All the stuff she needed was in the back of this thing. Being that i was the smallest and most flexible to get thru the small crevices, i was sent to do the dirty work. As stupid as it sounds, i felt pretty good about myself just because if they went without me, they'd been there all day. So yay that i helped out. My mom and i headed back to her place... i drove her car wihtout my license! woops. haha it was fun driving the explorer again. It brought me back to the times when i first started to drive in albuquerque new mexico. When i was a teeny bopper who liked backstreet boys... gag! haha! We chilled for awhile than headed to LONG BEACH.
We got some el pollo loco, than came back to my apt to eat and talk. Than we went to the department store to just browse. It was great tho. I know it makes my mom happy to do things like that with her baby. So it made me very happy. She's so funny cuz she like really wanted to buy me something, she seemed almost desperate for it, but i said no. She's done so much for me, i don't know it just didn't seem right especially with mother's day so close. But if she wants to buy something for me tomorrow, i may not stop her just because she really looked eager to buy me something today. Than we took a stroll around the neighborhood because the weather is really perfect. It was so nice because we don't get to share days like these often.
When we got home, she gave me my baby bracelet. It's says my middle name "Nite-Ha" in italics, and on the back it says 7-17-83... haha typo? Yeah just a little one. But still it's a very priceless keepsake that i love so very much.
I guess what i'm saying is that i'm glad i didn't get to go to san diego because today was such a wonderful day between my mom and myself, i wouldn't have traded it for the world... or my wallet. Happy Days are just around the corner i feel it.
Bout my wallet, still not found. Going to the DMV at the buttcrack of dawn monday morning. Applying for a new Social security card too. getting a new school id after class monday. My new credit cards should arrive this week. hmmm lost my hollister card dammit! what else was in there, oh i'm gonna need a new ralph's and vons card. fooey! what else i'm just out $10 bucks. oH yeah i'm also out a wallet... so hint hint wink wink my bday is coming up in a month and a half so yanno! haha j/k but really, i need a wallet. I'm so glad i didn't have any pictures in there. Phew.

anything else new? Oh yah! Talked to natalie we figured out the recipe!
How to make a man:
1 cup stupidity
8oz arrogance
3 tsp selfishness
1/2cup immaturity
3/4cup slob
1lb liar
1/4cup attractive
just add water

May 01, 2004

oh where, oh where?

I'm starting to see me losing my wallet a sign to not go to san Diego. I just don't understand where it could be? I feel like the old guy in little mermaid, when Sebastian is on the guy's plate and the old guy says, "we better eat before the food walks off our plate," and to his surprise his food did walk off his plate. In my case, I had better get to san Diego before I lose my wallet, and what do you know I lost my wallet. I keep having flashbacks when I actually had my wallet in hand. I remember grabbing my wallet and keys to go to the store. I remember holding it at ralph's. I remember grabbing money from it when going to mc donalds. I know what you're thinking... I left it at mcdonalds, but I didn't b/c we went to drive thru. And that's the last place I remember seeing it, after that I don't remember. It's like my memory is blocked for those moments. Why can't I remember? Most importantly, where is my wallet? Usually, once I get out of my car, I put my wallet and my keys in the same hand, I held onto the bag with the eggs in it, I walked up the stairs, and put the key into the door. I put the bag on the counter in the kitchen, my keys on the table in the living room, and I would usually put my wallet with my keys... Than where the hell is it? Could I have thrown it away? Did I drop it? If I did drop it Iris would have seen it b/c she was right behind me. I checked my car inside and out, I looked under my car too. It's just so frustrating... Everything is in my wallet.. Even my extra $10 bucks that I could so use now. My credit cards, my school id, my drivers license, and my freaking social security card!!! Ugh, it's just so frustrating to not remember where it could possibly be. I pray that I find it. My mom is gonna come home with me today and hopefully since I was so frantic yesterday, that I didn't see it and my mom does. I hope so otherwise I don't know, I'm at a major loss. It's a lot of hours at the dmv. I'm gonna try to not stress out.