how looong has it been...
miike snow cures the black and blue soul.over a year since i've been on here. Back then, i was still stuck on a tired worn out situation. holding on to the past because i felt like there was never going to be something new again. Like he said, i'm all you have and i'm the only person who will marry you. I felt like it was a scene from circle of friends, when that creeper tells minnie driver that he's the only one that would ever take care of the fat girl. I must have been so insecure. I would tell myself that i deserve so much more, but i never really believed it. That's changing now. Good bye mr. fishbowl. Goodbye mr. routine sex. goodbye mr. liar & cheater. Goodbye and good riddance.
hmm who was next? oh yes, mr emo musician. Man was he exciting in the begining. Date at the angels game, a sweet kiss on the cheeck to end the date. We swore to bring back the word Rad. Apparently, he really wanted to buy my ad space. With him, when it was fun, it was fun. Honest good thilthy clean fun. But when it was bad, it was heart wrenching. The constant wondering if i was enough, whenn he never realized that i was exactly what he needed and so he never appreciated me. The night in san fran was the worst. Yelling and screaming and begging just one look and my heart shattered. I knew... i always knew in the back of my mind. i guess n ow we'll be "f r i e n d s." A loose word for a loose boy.
It's guys like mr. fishbowl and mr. emo musician that fog up your glasses. You see the world and especially yourself in a completely different way - colors turn to greys and browns, shapes and lines get blurred and fuzzy and you begin to accept that all this life will be is medicore. Fortunately, sometimes, there are men (see the change from boys/guys)... there are Men, who stand in front of you and through your foggy point of view you begin to see shapes, lines and vibrant colors. It's like seeing a sunrise, a shooting star, and pretty much it makes you say, "i can't believe i lived to see the day." It's Men like mr. DJ who turn your world upside down. Who say you are dope and you know you are dope. Men like Mr. DJ who honestly says what he means and treats you like a lady. Men like Mr. DJ who you can walk with until 5am and wake up with and still have a conversation.
I wish now i could say, we've been together ever since, but I can't. Mr. DJ lives on the opposite side of the nation. I can't say say a lot of things about this amazing revelation, but I can say that this is the type of Man i deserve. This will be the type of Man i marry.
So how long has it been? It's been a really long time, but i know when it all happens i wont be settling and i woudn't have lived a medicore life.
Labels: break-ups, dating, love, relationships
