buh-bye
This year has been a roller coaster; a lot of ups and a lot of downs. As much as I have wished that things happened differently in my life, I am glad the way life is now. Without the events that happened this year, I probably would not be where I am right now, even worse, I probably would not be happy like I am now. I believe more then ever that everything happens for a reason. Maybe God just wanted me to know that if I truly believe, no matter the hole I get stuck into, I will get out. Now, I have faith.
This year went by so quickly. I still remember how I spent last new year, drunk and at a friend's house. At which point, I was completely unaware of the future and how the year would end, now I know what that day brought. That day would bring a person in and out of my life for the next 8 months. That day would bring a lot of lonely nights. That day would bring a lot of tears and so much sadness. That day would bring a couple of days that I'll never forget. That day would bring me a lot of happiness and so much love. That day would bring little money. That day would bring nights filled with friends and alcohol. That day would bring me something that I've been waiting for all my life. That day brought me here, and I'm happy.
I have a feeling that 2004 is going to be a great year. I have so much to be thankful for and I have many wonderful people to share it with. This year will definitely make up for all the shit things that have happened to me in my life. I know this because for once, I have someone to share the New Year with.
Happy New Years Everyone!
bleh with cherries
I'm really tired. I slept from 1am until 12pm today... and I still feel like I've been hit by a bus. Well, actually, I was hit by a car, close enough. My arm is killing me today. It feels like someone grabbed it and twisted it a couple of times and now it's dangling from the side of my body like a useless limb. And wait, the pain doesn't stop there, oh no, it actually proceeds to hurt my lower back, my neck, and shoulder. On top of this pain, I feel sick to my stomach, and I'm also getting a scratchy throat. If I get sick, ugh it's going to suck. It's going to suck a lot. If I were a cartoon, I'd probably be Wiley coyote just about as he's going to fall off the cliff. He holds up that sign that says "help me" and falls to his doom. I love cartoons.
Yesterday was a good day. Didn't really feel like Christmas tho. For one, my mother and my brother weren't here. Second, my sister made tamales, and they were okay, but nothing like my moms. Third, my family is all broke that I didn't get to open any presents. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that these are the reasons why it didn't feel like Christmas. Although, I am going to get new tires!
Speaking of my poor car, the hood is chwec, like me. And the Toyota symbol on my grill is missing. Pobrecita. Damn you, pinto!
My older sister, Cynthia, used to go out with this guy Memo. For like 5 years. They were in love and he was apart of the family. Well, after their break up they stayed close friends. In fact, we still consider him apart of the family. Well, three years ago, he enlisted into the army and we haven't seen him since. He was sent to Germany /: Anywho, he finally gave into his wants and needs a week ago and came back to California this past Sunday. We saw him yesterday and we all missed him so much. It was good spending time with him. We met up at Dave and busters and had a great time. He leaves on Jan 6th. In February he's being shipped to Iraq. He's in my prayers.
I decided I'm going to SD tomorrow. Spend some time with really awesome people down there. I haven't seen the roommie in a week, so it should be fun. Her parents are great too, so it's always nice to see them. I always wanted to call them uncle and untie, but haha I'm shy about it. I don't really call them anything, I just say hi and bye, with a few lines of chit chat. But they're really genuinely nice people.
stellar
Meet me in outer space
WE could spend the night
Watch the earth come up
I've grown tired of that place
Won't you come with me?
WE could start again
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
Meet me in outer space
I will hold you close
If you're afraid of heights
I need you to see this place
It might be the only way
That I can show you how
It feels to be inside of you
How do you do it?
Make me feel like I do
How do you do it?
It's better than I ever knew
You are stellar
santa is here already
Its official I am on the bad list this year. I thought you got on the bad list by doing bad things, but apparently it's quite the opposite, you're on the bad list when bad things happen to you. Nah just kidding... I probably did something really bad and karma just happens to get its revenge right before the holidays.
Yesterday, Xmas Eve, I was going to get my new tires for my car, when I suddenly was stuck in traffic. Than bam, I got rear ended. The force pushed me forward and I hit the car in front of me. All the while my left arm was on the steering wheel, and my arm locked in place. Now I have a chweck (Ch-we'-k: crooked, abnormal, dysfunctional, deformed, etc.) arm for xmas. As the first minutes of shock pass through me, I regained consciousness and pulled my car over to the side of the freeway. I was shacking so badly and my neck hurt so bad, I started to cry... boo-hoo. It turns out; the guy who hit me had zero registration and zero insurance. (haha, could I be any luckier? haha) It wouldn't have been a big deal if I were fine b/c my car actually survived the double impact, but unfortunately the left side of my upper body didn't. Since I couldn't move my arm i couldn't drive my car b/c I drive stick, damnit. Not being able to drive equals a tow truck, which by the end of the night meant $140 down the tube. :\ My sister arrived a little bit later and she took me to a doctor. No fractures, I'm all good, just in pain.
Other than that I had a great day. I am actually pretty chipper right now. Why? Because it could have been worse, way worse, but it wasn't I'm doing good without a full functioning left arm. Who needs a left arm anyway?? I'm right handed. :P All that matters is that I get to spend the holiday with my family. Also, another special someone has really just made my life a million times better so all in all I'm good... actually great. Take the good in with the bad, right?
Another good thing about yesterday is that my boss gave me a $250 xmas bonus... I've only worked 4 days. Woo-hoo, obviously that money went to the towing costs, but hey it was a really nice gesture. Thanks boss! You're the greatest!
They say that with every event there is a learning experience. I actually learned a couple of things
1. Don't drive with a pinto behind you
2. God works in mysterious ways
3. I am lucky
4. I can't wait for this year to be over!!!
I hope you're holidays are as good as mine... I know I'm tough competition, but hey you can try to have a better xmas than me... come on I dare you! :)
To my family, To my friends, To the special people in my life, to people everywhere...
Merry Christmas!
far far away
I'm in Glendale and not lovin it. I guess it's because I'm here alone at my sister's and brother's apartment so there isn't really that much for me to do. To top it off they have pretty much close to nothing in the fridge, so unless I want to eat the crusty bread, it looks as if I'm going to starve. Joy.
I guess I shouldn't be complaining because today at work, my boss treated me and my co-workers to lunch at Benihauna (sp?). It was damn good too. I really don't like the salad dressing tho, it's too bitter for my tasting, but everything else was great. I got the hibachi Filet minion, a 14.50 plate. Good stuff. My boss didn't mind either, he was like get whatever you want. I bet it was because he totally mispronounces my name. Since my sister's friend, Leslie, knows me by my middle name, which is Nite, she calls me that too, so that's what I go by at work too. Well, Mr. Reisnek, can't say it for the life of him and some how computed my name to be pronounced Navajo, instead of Knee-Te'. It was funny and we all had a round of laughs with that one. I'm glad I work there cuz I love me some free food.
Work is okay. It's pretty boring just because all I'm doing is filing paper work. I wish I had a radio or something to keep me poppin but I don't and it's already getting old. It's also hard to keep filing everything when folders are scattered across the office. I have paper work that's filed and other paper work that is organized but not filed in the corresponding folder because it's down the hall, but what am I supposed to do? Hopefully I am able to get everything organized soon, so I can at least start doing something a bit more productive.
I'm so tired. For the last couple of nights I haven't had the best of sleep and so I'm pretty much tired every morning that I wake up. It's getting to me too because sometimes I feel like I'm gone pass out. It also isn't good that the times I feel like I'm going to pass out is when I'm on the way to work, stuck in traffic on the 405.
For the month of November I went over $40 dollars worth of minutes, so just about 100 minutes. Damn. I need to get a better plan, especially since they have the unlimited nights and weekends starting at 7pm. You would think I'd learn by now, especially since for the past 4 months I've gone over 3 times. Tsk tsk tsk. Disappointed in myself, but whatchu gonna do? I'm sure every phone call was worth every dollar spent. (:
Other than work, I'm getting by with everything else...
You should be here
You should really be here with me, babe
You should be here in the mornin' time
When I'm makin' my breakfast
You should be here
I just wanna drive you crazy
-raphael saadiq
escape
My happiness means the world to me, but it makes me happier to know that people I care about, like my family and friends, are happy. Especially when it's been awhile since they've been happy, and to see them genuinely smile for a reason is a great. So, here is to the people who make my family and friends happy.
I had the best food this weekend. Have you ever had something that was good before, but the second time around it tasted so much better? That's what I expereince this weekend and it was literally finger licking good. haha. Who would have though that sausage, pancakes, and eggs could ever taste so good? Especially eggs. I have never really liked eggs. I think I went for a good 85% of my life without eating eggs just by itself, but I have definately found a new craving for them.
I can't believe how quickly this weekend has gone by. Or this month for that matter. It's already december 21!! Christmas is 4 days away, and i have yet to buy one gift. It's off to the mall tomorrow. It's funny because when i was a kid, time would go by so slow and I would pray for the year to just pass by, but now i wish i could go back to those days. Time just passes us by so quickly now of days, I don't think i can really take in all the great moments in my life.
I'm sad to see the weekend go...
"We have to escape and I will go anywhere if you just lead the way
Escape to a place where we'll be together, together everyday
We have to escape....
There has to be some place that nobody knows, somewhere we can only go
There has to be some place that we can be all alone...."
santa baby
I remember when my sister's were at odds with each other and I used to be the mediator between them. They would always say the same things about each other. "It's her fault; I tried to work things out!" "Whatever, when I tried to call her… yada yada." And it was frustrating because they'd insist that they were right. Sometimes I just wish people would back away from the situation and see the problem or whatever it is from a different perspective. I didn't mind being the mediator, but sometimes it gets old.
This morning I had a subway for breakfast. Now, I know the reason why I don't like subway. I hate it how they don't put condiments on the bread. I hate that their bread is never fresh. And honestly, Togo's is just so much better. Now that's all I'm craving, a turkey bacon with provolone cheese... Heaven. My lunch isn't that good either. Just recently, I have acquired a taste for Caesar dressing, but today I bought a bottle of it, and it's not that good. I actually feel pretty grossed out at the moment.
I had two finals today. I think I did pretty well on my calculus final, despite that I didn't study for it. I counted up the ones I think I got wrong, and it came out to be like 30 points and since she gave extra credit, theress a large possibility I got 190/200, which will definitely give me an A for the class. I probably shouldn't get my hopes up though b/c chances are I'll miss it by a point. Ugh. I'm just glad it's done and over with. My astronomy final sucked. That man just doesn't know how to teach! His voice is monotone and god forbid he ever talks about outside from his lecture. Alma and I did the entire final review, and I think I would have been better off not doing it, because the review didn't have anything to do with the test. Damn him! Now I just have my accounting final at 7 tonight and my last two finals on Thursday. I can't wait till the week is over.
I can't believe Christmas is in a week! It doesn't even feel like Christmas! I haven't even been Christmas shopping, not that I have money to shop, but damn where the heck has time gone? Anyway, Christmas isn't really the same as it used to be. I miss having a Christmas tree, putting up lights, seeing presents under the Christmas tree, buying presents for people, and the train that played the same carol over and over. I don't even think we're going to have tamales this year either. What a drag... But I won't be pessimistic. I have really good things going on in my life, so really it's like having Christmas already.
But if I do get anything for Christmas this year I want...
A Calendar
Fight Club
The Brandon Boyd book
Something to put in our lounge... ha ha
A non-fictional book on anything interesting
Perfume
SOCKS
Guitar
Piano/keyboard
And of course the usual clothes, shoes, and makeup
Stores that I like include
AE
Abercrombie
Urban Outfitters
Victoria Secret
Bath and Body
Express
Best buy
Hmm... that's all I can think of at this moment haha
But like I said before, I already have everything that I need, so I think I have all I want for Christmas.
Round 2
Iris wanted to go down to SD again last night, and being the great friend I am I didn't let her go alone. It was fun, I am glad I went. We met up at this guy, Jerry's House. Nothing too big just a couple of friends, a small get together. I wasn't planning on drinking because I was so beat from the other night, but hey if it's free, why the fuck not? Coincidently, the guy who bought me my drink, Ohmid, ended up knowing this girl that I knew in high school from New Mexico. What a small fucking world man. It was trippy. It's one thing to know someone who maybe lived in the same area, but damn she was my good friend in Albuquerque... strange.
We started playing this drinking game, asshole. It was alright, too complicated tho. It would have been a lot more fun if we all knew how to play from the beginning. But we didn't so it was just all stupid. Than I got kind of bored, so I was like alright let's play speed. This guy mike was like, alright I play you, but you're gonna get whooped, just talking a whole bunch of shit. After I beat him for the third time and after he had 4 shots of vodka, he was still determined to beat me, but I gave someone else from the LBC to share the glory. I think iris beat him like times in super speed, I don't even know how much he drank, and all I do know is that he drank enough to throw up. It was great because there's like eight of us crouched around a table screaming and yelling the open pairs available. Hahah. I didn't understand some people though because after Iris had beaten him for the fifth time, people were still not supporting her, and continued betting on mike. Those people ended up drinking a whole lot and they shot gunned a couple of beers. That was funny shit.
I have to say that I love it when people know how to play the guitar. It's great. Especially "I miss you." The chords just really get to me.
For the second time, I've been told that I look like that girl from "one tree hill." It was so random, I was lying on the couch and I had happened to look up and this guy was like dude she looks like that girl! I guess it's the eyes cuz we both have big eyes. I don't know, I guess it's cool.
On the way back up, iris and I saw a lot of shooting stars. It was amazing. It reminded me of the time when I went camping in Escondido, off the beach. The waves looked like this florescent blue and they were huge just crashing one after another. Then I would look up and I could so millions of stars. Than I just remember seeing shooting stars falling one after another. It was beautiful. We got home around 4:30.
day before last
I had my first day of work yesterday. Traffic is a bitch. On my way to Beverly Hills, I was stuck in traffic forever and it ended up takingme an hour and fifteen minutes to get the... when it should only take me 40minutes. Then I got to work, and it was cool. All I am going to be doing is filing, organizing, and answering the phone; yanno administrative assistant shit. I had so many paper cuts all over my hands. I even got one across the vein of my wrists, it looks ugly. Then my boss bought us all food, I ordered a $10.00 salad. Haha. I'm sorry but I had to drive all the way over there, I think I deserve a little compensation. Just as the food came, I decided to leave because I was going to go to an accounting review that I had. I think I left around 2:30.
I got onto the 10 freeway and I was flying going about 75mph, but then I came to an abrupt stop when I hit the merging freeway to the 405S. That ramp was so freaking huge and it was only going 7mph. I think that was the most horrible experience ever. To top it all off, I really had to go to the restroom. So there I am 30 minutes on the same ramp to the 405 and I thought I was going to die. Haha no just kidding. I was just getting really frustrated. Eventually I got off the ramp and what was causing the traffic at 2:30 was that a car exploded or caught on fire or something. It looked horrible. It took me to almost two hours to get home and i missed my review. I'm going to love driving.
Later that night, iris and I headed down to SD. We met up with Geoff at Derek's house. Good times. I don't think I've ever seen so many fun contraptions before. I could only imagine that it was like being at Disneyland for some people. Then we left to that party in mira mesa with Harold. After a slight detour, haha, we made it there. I had a really good time.
I'm never again driving home at 4:30am. Never. I think I almost got us killed 3 or 4 times. Not cool. I eventually had to wake up iris to keep me up because my eyes started to blur big time. As we approached Fountain Valley, Iris gave me a carefree cooler and it gave me a sugar high so I was able to make the rest of the 15 minute drive awake. We got home at 5:30am and I don't even remember falling asleep.
I think we slept in until 12 or something, I'm not really sure. Then we ate our breakfast/lunch and when we came back I fell asleep for another two hours. I think I can sleep for another 8 tho.
Haha, and iris wants to do this again tonight? But it's cool I'm down. I'm going to be way tired though. I don't think 6 hours of sleep was long enough... I am going to have to take a couple of more naps, long naps.
lucky
Damn, I just did myself in for my calculus final. If I had scored well on all three tests that we had during the semester I wouldn't have had to take the final. Well I did super on the first two tests, but the last test I got a C. I was really disappointed in myself. I have worked hard this entire semester just to throw it all away for a damn concert? When it comes down to it, it wasn't even because I went to the concert; it was because I didn't do my shit before I went to s.d. this weekend. If I had gotten it all squared away like a good student, than I wouldn't be stuck in a classroom at 10:15 Tuesday. Not only did I ruin my chances to not take the final, but I may have ruined the chance to get an A in the class. I have to score near to perfect to get that A. What the heck was I thinking?
It's not like I need any more stress for next week either. I really don't want to think about it, but I am really going to have to get my ass into gear. I have three finals on Tuesday, and two on Thursday. Tuesday is going to suck crusty ass too. Not only do I have my calculus final, but I have my astronomy final, and the killer accounting final. I hate that class with a passion. I think it's gay, because it doesn't really teach you how to do accounting, it really teaches you the methods to accounti... and it was just too boring. I'd rather learn how to make an income statement or whatever their called than decide whether or not a company is using a perpetual or periodic system. It's a 150 question cumulative test, so stupid. So much studying, so little time. Hopefully God hears my prayer and allows me to get straight A's this semester.
Today I was supposed to take my nephew to take pictures with Santa at Westminster mall, but with the flu going around I didn't. Anyways I didn't want to wait in that line for that long, I was way too tired. Alma spent the night last night and she was trying to spoon me or kick me off the bed or something b/c she took all the covers and practically all the bed too. I just didn't have the best of sleep, so before I went to see the little guy, I took an hour nap. Anyway, so I finally get to Huntington, and I was just so beat, but little leo just brings out the best in me. I swear every time I see him he's grown another foot. Not really, but I remember when he fit into my arms just perfectly and now he's walking and running around everywhere. Time sure does know how to fly. So when I was playing with him, I pretended to be asleep on the couch and he came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I couldn't believe it, I picked him up and started kissing him everywhere. Little man started to laugh it was great, but he's truly just awesome.
I also started this plan with Geoff, to eat healthy for the next six months. It probably wasn't a good idea to start right before finals, but oh well. The rules we have to follow are: fast food once a week only, no fatty snack foods (cookies, brownies, chips, etc.), no CHOCOLATE, and no soda. It should be an interesting next couple of months. I think my biggest vice is going to be chocolate. I'm sorry, but snickers are hella good, Hershey's almonds are mouth watering... haha okay maybe I do have a problem; all I am saying is that chocolate is great. So these first couples of days have been okay, just cereal, sandwiches, and salads. I had the best Caesar salad from Togo's today too... and I'm not fond of salad dressing but the Caesar dressing was great. It's my new and only favorite dressing.
I talked to my mom today too. I miss her and my brother so much. If I could have any one thing this Christmas it would be for the both of them to be here for Christmas. It's going to be the first time we're not all here together. It makes me so sad. If anything I know my mom will come down, but b/c of work my brother won't be able to. I don't even remember the last time I saw him it's been so long. With everything that has happened in the past year I haven't had a chance to speak to him as much as I would want to and it just feels like there might as well be an ocean between us. That's going to be my new years resolution... talk more to my family. It's just gonna suck when my mom finally moves back he's gonna be in New Mexico all alone. I know he likes it there and all, but I miss him.
Going to S.D. tomorrow, it should be a lot of fun! But first there's work at 8a.m. in Hollywood! Fun...
Here's the guy who made my day:
random
here are some pictures of backyard boogie:
Nelson, Meg, Harold, Iris, & me entering byb
harold
meg
John
Marcel and me
Derek and Justin
me and little man after byb
not reviewing for finals
I have to say I had an awesome weekend, with a few set backs.
Friday I got a job at a lawyer's office in Hollywood. It's cool though. 10 bucks an hour, under the table, I get to set my own hours, and basically miss traffic. That is always a plus. I'll just be doing assistant work, which is quite easy. Apparently, the lawyer charles, has just taken over another lawyer-who has lost her practice-work load, so they need someone to sort all her crappy ass files. Just organizing, filing, and answering phones. Not to shabby at all. He said if I like it there may be opportunities for me there in the future and that's always a plus.
Afterwards, I headed to Huntington to see my sister and my nephew. Damn, my munchkin is just growing so fast. I can't believe it. Every time I see him, I feel like I have missed out on so much of his life. He's so smart and beautiful, he amazes me. He is still learning how to speak, so when he calls me he says "nana," which I am assuming means nina. That day I was laying down, and he came down and started to snuggle with me. I love little man so much. I still don't know how the hell I am going to leave him for nine months. When I left, he started to cry because I was leaving. He had his arms out calling for me saying, 'nana,' I just about cried myself. I miss him already.
I got to S.D. around 8ish or so and went over to iris'. She taught me how to play the piano. Well it was an introductory crash course in piano for dummies. I have to admit, that shit is hard, but I loved every second of it. Damn when I become rich, I am so buying myself a piano because I really loved it. So now, thanks to iris, I know how to play Michelle Branch "One of these days," the beginning of Shai's "together forever," "chopsticks, little mermaid's "apart of their world," and "jingle bells." I am awesome. Haha just kidding. But I do have to say that I learned pretty damn quickly for a first timer.
Then I did a little teaching myself the next morning. I taught iris the basics of driving stick shift. She only stalled twice, which is not bad at all. It was fun though, going around the school in circles. Good times. After the morning drive we went to lolitastacoshop for a California burrito. Damn I swear it was so damn good! I wish there was a lolitas here in the lbc.
Then we watched Honey with Ron. The movie was alright. It just seemed a little bit too unrealistic. Yeah, it's a nice idea, and maybe dreams do come true, but uh not like that. What made it all the more annoying was the fact that there were a whole bunch of kids up in there. In particular, the kids behind us, they just wouldn't shut up. Clapping, kicking the back of our seats, and crying. I was getting so annoyed. I'm sorry, but when I was their age, my parents would never tolerate that kind of behavior from me. If I were those kids mamma I would have given them a spanking. After the movie, we went to walmart and I never knew a place could be so crowded. We asked a lady with a heavy Spanish accent where something was and she said "hhhardaware" It was damn funny.
Afterwards we got ready and headed to marcel's neighborhood. We saw nelson, and headed into his place first. I started my drinking there, with two bottles of rolling rock, followed by a shot of hypnotic, than a session of the maryjuwana, some more hypnotic, half a bottle of Malibu, and anything else I was able to get my hands on. I just have to say I had a really great night. Although I could have done without the bruises that I somehow accumulated up and down my legs, I had a really good time. Got home around 4am and fell asleep.
I spent Sunday and Monday trying desperately to recover. I woke up with a hangover, but as soon as I took some alieve and had another california burrito, I was feeling a lot better. All I was really suffering from was lack of sleep.
Ever since thanksgiving break, I have not been on the ball. I think I lost the ball a either on the way from school or going to my sister's in Glendale, because I am just over school. Before, as sad as it sounds, I somewhat enjoyed school, but now I think it's just gone on for too many weeks that I am just sick of it. Just call me the master procrastinator.
I went to the jimmy kimmel show to watch hoobastank perform. It was great. I have a new admiration of Dough and the guitarist. They were definitely working it on stage. When we were waiting in line to get into the concert area, these obnoxious people got stuck behind us. They just spoke so damn loud and kept on bumping into iris. There was a girl within this group of 5 guys and it wasn't until I looked at them that I notice she was a girl because her voice was so damn deep. I know I am mean and I'm going to hell, but too freaking bad. I guess to make up for the annoying people, God placed this really hot guy with a lip ring next to Iris and I. He was really good looking and he had a really nice smile and the lip ring was just sexy on him. I just anted to slap that ass. Hahah no just kidding I'm not dirty like that… well sometimes. ;) So yeah Hoobastank played five songs, two old, three new, which reminds me I need to buy the new c.d. They were great live.
So I may have failed my calculus test today because I went to hoobastank, but I had such a great time I really don't give a f***.
# - No doubt "New"
pull me out from inside
The hardest thing about life is living it. The second hardest thing is to let someone in.
I'm afraid to let people in. In my twenty years of living, I have learned that anyone can betray you. As a new relationship with anyone approaches, I always have that guard up that reminds me not to trust them. Not that I do not want to trust them, but the moment that trust is given, I'm susceptible to getting hurt. And honestly, who wants to get hurt?
People say that getting hurt is apart of life. I understand that because I know my pain has made me the person I am today. In recent events, I have realized that there are two types of emotional pain: one, being hurt by someone you care for; two, knowing you hurt someone you cared for. I remember all the times I was hurt and how I promised myself I would never hurt a person. I didn't understand how anyone could go on in life knowing they hurt someone they "cared" for. Now that I have caused pain to someone, I still don't understand and I feel even worse.
Every time I have been hurt, there have been very slim instances in which I actually forgave the person. It's already hard enough to give them my trust the first time, but to give them yet another opportunity to betray me? It's a difficult decision to make. I guess what I am saying is that, I am lucky to have a second chance.
