boo boo boo boo
everything feels surreal. I dn't think it has set in as much as it should - i moved, my roommates are gone, and i'm starting a new chapter. I feel like i'm going to go back to long beach to beverly plaza and everything will be the same. I know that not true b/c i already cried sunday as the apartment became the lonely place. It's just poo. I'm sad and i miss my roommates.
Yesterday, i went to an acupuncturist. All he did was feel the inside of my wrist and he told me a gang of thiings that are wrong with me. For instance, supposedly i have a disk in my back that's messed up and it's considered strange because this only happens to old people and i'm not old. He also said i am a little enemic, and he thought i was a vegetarian because apparently i don't eat enough meat. When i thought about it i really don't eat enough meat at all. I do get sick often which tells me i don't have very good strong white blood cells. He told me other things that i'd rather not say on this stupid thing, but yah, what he basically stamped my forehead with was a "defective" stamp. I always knew that, but at least i have proof. We (my mom, sister, and i) are supposed to drink this formula he gave us to help heal us. So i'll drink the stupid stuff, BUT he says we cannot drink anything with it that is below room temperature the entire 7-10 days. CRAZY! Summer just started fool! so i have to drink it b/c my mom is making me, but i am not sure if i'll be able to handle only room temperature iteams. I'll die. Especially at warped tour. Dang. I'm going to do my best.
i am moving the last of my things out of the old apartment and into the new. All that's left are the big things, ie: bed, dresser, desk, couch, and entertainment center. There are also some little things like clothes, computer, and kitchen ware. UGH I DON'T want to do it! i'm going to be sad some more.
regrets
exhausted is one word that would explain what my body feels. Stupid is the one word that explains what i feel. I am never drinkng as much alcohol as i consumed saturday night. 3 shots of vodka give or take, 2 big shots of captain morgan, several jello shots, jungle juice and that's only from what i remember. Who knows what else i had during the time i don't remember. How sad. I can't even really piece together the night i had. All i know is that i am very embarassed and have very many regrets.
I would probably take back the amount of alcohol i drank... just kept it at a few shots of vodka and a few jello shots. At one point i lost myself and ended up God knows where to have some random person take me to the place where all my friends were. I am so lucky someone found me. I thought i was left at another party and began to cry in front of everyone. How freaking embarassing. I really nevevr have felt so stupid. Still feel stupid. I talked to a friend and made a complete fool out of myself infront of him. Gosh i just wish that night never happend. Now i am having flashbacks of the night and i put my head down in shame because i feel childish, irreseponsible, and i feel like a big fat loser. So i apologize to everyone for my dumbass ass drunk qualitites. I will never drink like that again.
Woke up the next day at 7... haven't really been asleep since. Moved all day. Went to bed at 11pm. Woke up at 4 b/c i had flashbacks and i felt stupid. got up at 7:30 and started running errands. I am tired, but i just can't get my retardness out of my head.
starting a new life at obispo... it should be interesting.
Farenheight 9/11
Watch This
Moving Blows Ass
I have grown up so much the last three years. Beside me i've had two really cool people to share my life with. I know it's not the end of our friendship, but i'll miss them anyway. I have grwon to enjoy their presence like sisters.
1st year: C building room 200/202
2nd year: Archstone apt 31
3rd year: Beverly plaza apt #52
How can memories fit in a box?
I'm sitting here looking at the now mostly bare walls in my room and I'm sad. As I took down each photo, each memory, I found myself laughing a lot. I remembered staying up late putting all this up and just talking to the roommie while we pounded nails away to the wee hours of the night. This room resonates with so many good times. Now there's no sounds, no roommie, and emptiness. Now that it's all said and done, it really sucks. Here, in not so many boxes, bags, and trash lies the last three years of my life. It's hard to just pack up and go. It was a good run... Why does it have to end?
i am shit
I feel like i got beat the fuck up. My back, my neck, my arms, my ass are all sore. I thought i need to exercise to be sore or at least have good sex, but apparently you just need to get drunk and have your drunk friend give you a piggy back ride and fall. FYI, i didn't exercise and i didn't have sex... dammit.
I slept for nearly 11 hours last night and i still feel incredibly groggy. If someone saw me i think I'd scare them because i seriously look how i feel and i'm feeling shitty.
I am supposed to head to glendale to kick it with my mom. I don't want to drive. I hate driving right now. Man i thought by now technology would have developed a transporting system that can just beam you to any destination. Technology and smart people everywhere have failed me.
After today, the days will become shorter so let's not waste a moment of our sweet summertime.
hmmm i'll drive later time for a nap
Rum Runner
Rum Runner is a drink served at the Liquid Kitty. It contains four different types of rum with a splash of cranberry juice. This drink runs you into the ground; in my case, the toilet. It was fun!! I got drunk, but it didn't ruin me. My brother in law actually took care of the "Drunk" title for me. Hey i'm not going to complain, because i was able to get up this morning, unlike he, who spent the entire day in bed unless to pee, barf, or eat. So glad it wasn't me. I had a few shots of tequila, a rum runner, chocolate cake, shot of goldschlager, several birthday shots (YUMMY), i tasted a dry martini, and that's all i remember. I TALKED... A LOT! I screamed. I yelled. I got my ass grabbed by too big black man who were staring at my cleeve. I got a piggy back ride and a bruise on the side. I went out like a rock star. Most importantly i went out early. I was at home by 1ish. Perfect timing.
Slight hangover this morning. At times it was rough, but for the most part I was good. Went to glendale, and my mom made bomb ass food: carnitas and carne asada. Strawberry birthday cake from portos in glendale with small beer can candles. Gathered around the table to share memories of yesterday and the first 21 years of my life. The best part was that my mom was totally cool and she looked at me and i didn't feel like a child. Watched a movie said good byes.
I had an awesome birthday. I wouldn't have changed anything at all. (Except to have been able to celebrate it with a few people who couldn't make it for reasons caused by outside forces). Rated, this birthday, thursday-saturday, was a 11/10. Thanks to everyone.
Thanks to Lucy, Albert, and Azuree for coming too :) & for the drive home!
title and registration
when I stumbled upon pictures I tried to forget
and that's how this idea was drilled into my head
'cause it's too important to stay the way it's been
but there's no blame for how our love did slowly fade
and now that it's gone, it's like it wasn't there at all
and here I rest where disappointment and regret collide
lying awake at night
~death cab for cutie
TGIF
my first mudslide
my first scooby snack
and my first blow job ... the drink
Bitch I'm 21!
Thanks to everyone... especially Iris, Hanako, Jericho, and Alma... Love you guys!
I never learn
Expectations only lead to disappointments. I'm disappointed.
It's my bday ... woo. :I
t minus 23 hours and so and so minutes
Yeah... i'm almost 21! Hell yah! Hell Yah! Hell Yah! Probably bring in my first drink somewhere down south. I'm excited.
I went to the block with Iris. As we were heading to my car, a group of young childish boys began to "holla" at us. "What's the deal girl? Girl, what's the deal? Hey girl, what's the deal?" I think a few of these chumps began running after us. I don't know about you, but whenever a boy yells out to me, calls me girl, and asks me what the deal is, i'm smitten. He's said the words i've wanted to hear my entire life. Okay, not really, but damn, you have to admit those words are a classy way to pick up women. Riight.
Okay where the hell have the past three years gone? I remember high school lasting forever! College on the other hand has been put on fastforward and only slows down the last month of the school semester. It's not fair. Too many memories not enought time to cherish.
Speaking of Higher Education,they say two things when you go to college: 1) you'll meet your life time friends and 2) you'll meet your future spouse. Well, at least one came true for me. Lucky, lucky, lucky!!
2 years
forgot to say Happy Two Year Anniversary to my sister and my bro in law.
He wrote her a letter before he went to work this morning it basically said,
"Happy anniversary babe. I love you so much. I can't imagine my life without you. You've brought me so much happiness. I feel lucky to have my family with you. I'll love you forever."
Now that's LOVE.
let's forget this and move on
I get mad at the world a lot. Not at the world itself, but the people in it. The words common courtesy are as unfamiliar to people as the beach is to Utah. People are dying in the war because of hate and instead of showing compassion to these soldiers by being civil to one another, we flip each other off when we drive. It's depressing.
There are so many things wrong in this world that I feel that the least I can do is be nice to people. I know that my life isn't always a bowl of cherries, but at least I can say that I let a person get on the freeway today; that I helped a kid grab something from the top shelf; that I made someone smile. I think it's the small gestures people have lost sight of. It's really the small gestures that count.
Sometimes I lose track of doing small gestures, but it's times like when I went to church yesterday that I realize how happy it makes me when someone is kind enough to lend a hand. It reminds me that there are still chivalrous people alive... That I'm not alone. Those very miniscule acts are worth more than I'd ever thought. In short all I'm saying is...
"Be optimistic
don't you be a grumpy
when the world gets bumpy
just smile, smile, smile."
My sister is very pregnant. She's only a week pregnant, but she's already shining like a star. She's such a happy person when she's prego. The future Garcia Baby is Due February 18th 2005. It couldn't be anymore perfect. I'm really starting to think that this is the reason my plans for Italy were changed. I HAVE to be here for the birth of this baby too. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, just as long as the baby is healthy I'm good. Besides I already know that either boy or girl it's goin be a cutie, just look at lil man.
Off to bed because I have a long day ahead of me.
4 Days!!
I am the throw-up bandit. I woke up this morning with only a t-shirt and my panties. Funny thing is that when I went to sleep the night before I also had on shorts. Where did they go? I don’t know.
When the roomy finally got up to use the restroom I made haste to the closet to put on some shorts. When I went to go lay back down on my bed, ants began crawling all over my legs. They were on my legs because they were on my bed because apparently I had thrown up on the side of the foot of my bed. How? I don’t know.
As I was making my way to the kitchen I found the missing shorts in the living room all wet. How did they get there? I don’t know.
How did they get wet? I am assuming I took them off and threw up into it leaving behind a red gooey chunky residue.
Sad thing is that I have no recollection of it at all. What gets me the most is that the roommate didn’t even hear any of this happening when she was less than 2 feet away.
Now lies the questions why were you throwing up into your shorts and why don’t you remember anything? Funny story. Lemme tell you. I went to buddy’s house to drink. Downed a few beers, I know I at least hit 5 beers, but drunken me can’t keep track of very much when she’s under the influence. I think the kicker was the miniscule shot of so-co I had. It turns out southern comfort isn’t so comforting. Who knew?
Anyways, not only did I wake with several bruises all over my body, I also have buddy to thank for my wrist hurting like a bitch. He tried to pick me up at one point in the evening and despite the guy next to him saying “don’t do it you’re gonna drop her.” Buddy proceeded to “pick me up” and dropped me as predicted. Luckily my cat like reflexes jumped in and I broke my own fall by putting my hands on the floor. In doing so, I broke my bracelet that my sister gave to me on my 18th birthday and hurt my wrist. It’s all swollen now and I have a bruise. Yay!
Unfortunately I'm horrible when I’m drunk because I flirt like a hooker on sunset blvd. I’m just having fun. Hahaha. Good times though. I saw my first third nipple. I think I had to beat up Chris a few times. Apparently I gave my number out to someone, I don’t even know who. I didn’t get fucked in fuck the dealer. Lucky me. I almost fell down the stairs as I was going up the stairs. There is more but I don’t remember. Niiiice.
Do you know what coochie cobwebs are? LOL!
Shove it in my face
It was an mommy and me kind of day. Drove out to Glendale as early as I could get my fat ass out of bed. Watched the stepford wives, I really enjoyed it. Pretty funny in a corky kind of way. Saw the preview for Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. Looks really good, I am definitely going to get my fat ass to the theatre to watch it. Just watching the previews made me cry a lil bit. Ate a fruit n nut salad and a fruit parfait from mcd's. Can you say yum? It was very very good. Went to the grocery store where my mother bought me groceries. Ummmm yah other shit happened that I would like to refrain from speaking about. Other than that I'm emotionally drained and all I can think of is sleeping.
oh one last thing, my sister wanted me to steal something for her - it's a long story - anyway, I told her no because unlike her I have conscience that tells me this is bad. Ha, I even told my mom she got mad at my sister tee-hee. I know I'm bad, but at least I don't steal.
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
i'm the bug
man today was a rough day. Lemme see the only family members who didn't make me cry today was my mom and my sister cynthia b/c i didn't talk to them. I don't even want to celebrate my birthday anymore. I don't want to be a burden on anyone... it's just another day anyway. All that's different is that i will officially be legal to do what i please- except to rent a car. i'm fine anyway i already have what most people don't so i don't need to blow any candles out to make my wish come true.
sometimes you're the windshield other times you're the bug
entertainshit
I don't care that j. lo got married to mark anthony b/c she's supposedly pregnant. My life doesn't revolve around the fact that Jessica Simpson was voted hottest body. I don't care that beyonce has a new song. I don't care about the lives of celebreties period. If i happen to hear bits and pieces it's not because i went searching for it in the E! True Hollywood story or US weekly religously. The only way i obtain knowledge informing me of the lives of these rock super stars is by standing in line at the grocery store, someone telling me, or cathing something on the t.v. Otherwise i'm oblivious and besides who really gives a shit?
I think the people who are constantly reading that shit to find out who slept with who doesn't have the most fullfilling life. I mean how can these people who live for celebrity gossip live their own life when they're too busy reading a magazine or watching tv? Their lives has no direct connection to mine. Celebrities suck anyway... could they have anymore money?
If they're not entertaining me through their acting or music than i don't care.
Most importantly how does jennifer lopez's runaway marriage compare to the fact that my sister's pregnant!!!??? Yeah people i am going to be an auntie again. My sister called me at the ass crack of dawn to tell me. My sister is very excited. I am very excited. I can't wait. The fact that the olsen twins turn 18 doesn't even come close to my turning 21 in one week. Unless Brad Pitt proposes to me, i only care about his movies and his hot bod. I'd rather live my life and tell about it than read about a life and wish to have it.
p.s. who wants to go to magic mountain in july?
The first time
I'm in the emo kind of mood today. I'm not sad or anything, I just feel like I want to be emotional today. In complete sad style, I put in my dashboard confessional CD. I think it's healthy to get sad sometimes because it's good to cry; let things out. A great song to be depressed to if you've ever been in a failed relationship is the song "brilliant dance." You can totally hear the singer dying in the song, like he's been stabbed and he's left bleeding, and he's awaiting the grim reaper to bring him his death. It's terrible. Here are the lyrics.
So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
damn aint that the truth. all people who have come across the path of failed love has felt this. Th bitterness inside that rotts away anything good you have ever felt. The world does turns into some dark meek place where nothing makes sense, only your pain, and for some reason you have to continue living. There are so many times you pray for the world to stop or just pause for a second to find air because you really do feel like you can't breathe. To be brokenhearted is every horrible feeling multiplied by a hundred. At least that's what I have heard.
I think I have had a few stabs to my heart and a few bits and pieces have chipped away, but I don't think I've been broken hearted. Out of 100%, my heart lies at 95% give or take a few. Not bad for almost being TWENTY ONE! hehehe. Yeah I'm gonna be 21 finally. I had to incorporate that somehow.
FOR YOUR INFORMATION: just because I feel emo today doesn't mean I'm depressed. You crazy fucks who think that need to take a chill pill and stop analyzing my life so much. This is a journal don't take it so seriously b/c I really don't. So go shart in your pants. [shart (shh - ar - t): when you try to fart and shit comes out. hahaha]
went running today at the marina. I got a very minimal tan. I'll settle for any kind of coloring my very pale skin can get. Ran some errands. Ate pretty healthy. watched along came polly. now i'm sitting here.
Stupid head
A few nights ago Joe called and left me a message. It consisted of several sorries, one 'I was afraid to call you b/c I feared what you would say,' a 'skeets,' and many 'pleases' to call him back.
When I first heard it I laughed. I'm talking about a good roll on the floor kind of laughter. Here's this guy who I saw briefly who always said he'd call me, but never did, and whom I haven't spoken to for I don't even know how long, and he's asking me to call him 'to clear things up.' Right.
What is there to clear up? The fact that I moved forward? How about the fact that I continued on with my life? Maybe that if I saw him on the street I'd smile and most likely not even stop? Whatever he wanted to clear up had me curious.
I guess I thought there was some sincerity in his voice, or maybe I thought there was some shit to clear up too, and out of my own peace of mind I gave him a call two days later. And now I wish I didn't. Yah should have listened to my gut insticnt, but being the dumbass that I am I called him anyway only to come to the same conclusion, he's an idiot.
Yeah calling him an idiot maybe harsh, but he's the one who said it.
I feel bad for the guy he's obviously a confused person with some issues. Oh well, at least that's the end of that.
Day one
I finally came home last night awaiting a great night of sleep in my big comfortable queen sized bed. Yeah that didn't happen. For a reason unknown to myself, I have been blessed to live in an apartment that is infested with ants. These ants are very particular and only roam outside the walls when our apartment reaches a temperature above 85 degrees. Well, while I was away the past 5 days, Long Beach warmed up making the apartment super caliente and with the heat the ants attacked my prize possession, my bed. After angrily trying to remove all the ants from my bed I tried going to bed at 3am. I went to my bed and I didn't sleep, I was just in bed because I had missed some ants and they crawled all over me all night long. It was the most disgusting feeling, I even found some in my hair when I took a shower this morning. No people my sheets are clean so it's not like they were searching for something, it's our darn apartments that don't know how to fumigate.
I also found out yesterday that I may get my license revoked on June 27, 2004. My sister called me up saying that she received a letter in the mail that said "important notice: suspension." I cried when my sister told me because I am 21 this year and how am I supposed to live it up without a car? Well, after a good cry, and getting a good laugh from it (because Joe didn't have a license either and I use to make fun of that all the time, but it wasn't b/c he couldn't drive it was because he got a DUI-the dumbass- but I thought it was karma biting me in the ass). anyfuck, the statement pretty much said that in the time of my accident last year on Christmas eve, I didn't have liability insurance. Yeah fucking California sucks ass, but it turns out I did have liability insurance and I have the paper to prove it!
I want to go drinking... Anyone want to accompany me?
Lakers won!
School been out since may 20th and I've only slept here at the apartment three nights since that day. The apartment is lonely when everyone is gone. The first Thursday off from school I spent at my sisters and didn't leave until the following Wednesday.
Last Friday I took a journey to san Diego to spend time with the roommie. We ate at Lolitastacoshop than headed to Mira mesa to watch the
day after tomorrow with Jake gyllenahal. He's a cutie patootie-
I've liked him for awhile now and when I first discovered his cuteness iris made me a picture with a male model's body and pasted his face on it. It was an ugly picture but it was funny- Anywho, the movie was Ite. The acting wasn't the best, but it was entertaining. Money's worth would be matinee.
headed to a party in la Jolla afterward, didn't want to drink, b/c there wasn't enough time to get a buzz going. Spent the next day at the grad party, a lot of good food. We played taboo and spoons. spoons was a bust, but taboo turned out good. First round women vs boys, we won. Second round we lost b/c the guys cried like babies, go figure. Tried drinking amaretto sours, but the people thought the sweet n sour mix was an actual drink and they drank the rest and the amaretto alone wasn't too pleasant. I have my amaretto sour fix for awhile.
Sunday and Monday we pretty much did nothing. Played spider solitaire and talked. Last night we hit up fumari's with Marcel and his roommies. Before they met up with us, iris and I were just smoking watermelon hookah, talking, playing super speed, and the guys next to us were trying so hard to like get our attention. It was funny, they ended up giving us their mango hookah... We're too hot to resist. When Marcel and company joined us it was a bunch of laughs. Good times. After that we hung out with Ron at super sergio's. Had a lot of fun there too, just acting like dorks, and laughing a lot. Thanks to Ron for introducing the carne asada chimichangas mm good. Had lots of fun this weekend... I must have lost of pound from laughing.
I just have to say my prayers to a little guy who entered our apartment last December and gracefully departed sometime this past weekend. R.I.P. Mr. Small pants.
mark the date: June 18
M.I.A.
so i've gone missing i'll be back tomorrow
