i'm that dumb
the first time it's their fault, the second time it your fault... whose fault is it the third time? I just don't want to fall for the same bull shit as before. The i never felt this way about anyone... the i see you in my future... the i'll always be honest shit. i have heard that so many time before and it's just becoming a joke because no one has been able to last long enough to proove to me that they mean it. i was talking on the phone last night with joe c. and i've only met him once and he says 'i never felt this way before.' the first thing that runs through my mind is like i haven't heard that one before. I'm so skeptical about the whole situation. can't we just be friends first? I think if anything were to arise with anyone right now i'd be skeptical. I'm not sure if i'm ready to test the waters again. I just don't want to be dragged along for the ride and be told i don't feel the same way about you and i didn't tell you because i didn't want to hurt your feelings. What happend to being honest? what happend to the future? It's like everytime i warn myself to not believe what's being said and the moment i finally give in that's when the table turns and i kick myself in the ass for ever believing a word. I believed it when someone told me he loved me... it's like can i be anymore stupid? At least this time i'll be more busy than ever cuz i start my job today. I also have a midterm and a paper due, so there's not much time to think about anything or anyone for that matter. The only person i'm gonna be thinking about is myself.It's not like joe isn't a good guy cuz so far he's showed me he is. He makes me laugh. he calls when he says he'll call. he has expecations for himself. a good personality. he jokes around and messes with me. he has two jobs. he helps his parents out. He seems like a really cool person. he loves kids.
Than bam! the red light is flashing in front my face because he mentioned relationships and used the terms we, us, you and i... i'm like what? he even said 'well if you ever introduce me to your parents i make a good impression.' woah buddy. I don't want to be the fool again. i don't want to fall for some line. i don't want to cry over another person.
i don't know... i should just give hope on all men and get a lot of dogs b/c this doesn't look too good.
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