flashing headlights
Tuesday May 27, 2003:My sister, Tyre (pronounced: tie-Ra), has being going to school to be an aesthetician. Whenever I can, I usually go in there and get a facial (for $10 bucks a pop I go as often as possible). Well, tomorrow is her graduation day, and today is the last day she’d be able to take any clients. Of course I went; I woudn't miss it for anything! Not only is the facial fantastic, but being that we’re sisters we fool around a lot and we have a whole lot of fun. Despite the signs that say QUIET AREA, we laugh at each other making faces, making snood comments, flipping each other off – you might think that’s crazy mean, but we think of it as fun. Any who, when you’re getting a facial done, you have to take off your shirt, leave your bra on (if you’re a female, which I am), and put this towel tube dress thing on, and from there you jump onto the bed and get covered with blankets. Basically, it looks like your in a cocoon, and your head is the only thing not suffocating. We finished up, I unwrapped myself from the cocoon, because quite frankly it’s almost Closter phobic and my sister didn’t notice I had done this on my own and she pulled down my towel tube dress, which exposed my BOOBS! Yes, I flashed a room of 15 people, 14 women and 1 man. I don’t think I’ve ever been so embarrassed in my life.
Hahahahhahaha.... talk about a free show! Now that i think of it, what the hell was a guy getting a facial? What he needed was a back waxing eeeeeeeewwwwwwweeeee! I know i'm mean, but i need to laugh.
Back to the now:
I watched the sunset today. It was gorgeous as it sank into the beautiful Pacific Ocean. It?’s amazing how a glorious sight costs nothing to watch, and yet a lot of people do not take advantage of it. And when I say people, I mean me. The sight really made me think. There is hope for a better tomorrow, especially since the todays haven’t been so great.
When I watched the sunset figured out a few things in my life- if I don't do this on a regular basis hell will break loose. When I get upset about some things I get really upset. I blame the world and some people in it for the way I feel and I shouldn't. I put my guard up almost immediately and I push people away, not because I want to, but because I’m afraid that one day I won’t have anyone to turn to when things are bad. I have been really frustrated about events that have happened lately, and I feel suffocated with bad luck.
Today, I realized I have been acting foolishly. I am very lucky. I really don't have it bad. So what that I got in a car accident? So what I was negative in my bank account? So what I looked like a chipmunk for 3 days? So fucking what This is life, it's going to happen. Unfortunately, there isn’t a remote control for life; no stop button, no pause, no rewinds, and no fast forward. The only guarantee life gives is that anything, good or bad, is possible. When it’s bad, it sucks, it fucking sucks big fat dirty ass, but I will survive. How do I know I will survive? Because everyday there are people who are dying and they're happy. They know that there may not be a tomorrow, and they don?’t waste it feeling sorry for themselves. They see it as a blessing. I'm not dying and I was so pathetically sad for no reason. With life nothing is definite, anything can happen at any time especially when you least expect it. If I am going to be sad, I’m wasting my life away. There are way too many things to be happy about to sit and dwell on the shitty things.
I'm not saying that when shit happens I’m going to push aside my emotions. I'm still going to hate every bad thing that happens to my family, my friends, and myself, but I can't let it devour me anymore. I have to be strong, not only for myself, but for my family and friends.
All those who are serving our country are in my prayers.
I want to photograph you with my mind/To feel how I feel now... all the time/I get afraid/I don't think ahead/Let's just stay this way in bed/Feels so good inside your arms/just being honest when i say/can't we just stay this way?
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