just being me

Honesty

I still think about him. It's a year long habit that i haven't been able to break. He filled a void that was made from losing real love. The thought that his 'I love yous' and 'i miss yous' were real made me fantasize a relationship that never existed.

I don't want to think about him, but he lingers in my mind. I used to check his myspace waiting for him to say it out loud to everyone, but instead he would secretly hold the truth inside him. changing his status to single whenever he would see me that weekend, but immediately change it back to "in a relationship" or "married" once our time spent together was over. It was that obvious and i refused to accept it.

yes the word stupid comes to mind. I just wanted him to want me. I know, that's how selfish i am. What i did goes against everything that i believe. It goes against every moral that i have. And i know if people found out that i knew the truth and continued to do what i did they would lose respect for me, because i lost respect for myself.

I can't change anything now. What is done is done. What i need to do for myself is break the habbit.

posted by miss. me @ 5:50 PM