just being me

stuck

I've been thinking about a lot lately. Especially how long it's been. When i think about it him I get caught off gaurd. And when he comes back into my life - it feels like time starts to stand still. I am vulnerable to memories.

I think about how my life continued without him here or even without talking to him. I don't remember the last time we spoke. The last time we saw each other, or the last time i heard him say he loved me. Is it my fault that time goes at its own speed? is it my fault that he doesn't take the initiative more? Is it my fault that after all this time it still hurts?

I hear he's doing fine. I hear he's happy. It should make me happy, but it doesn't. Why couldn't he be fine or find happiness with me in his life... with all of us in his life? I am bitter. My heart grows numb the more he is away. I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know what to do.

posted by miss. me @ 10:16 AM